Title: Déjà vu
Author: Cat Moon
Genre: mickbeth
Rating: PG13
Warning/spoiler: nods to 12:04 am, takes place after TMC.
Disclaimer: I do not own them, nor do I make any profit from them.
Summary: just another story where Mick and Beth finally grow up and get a clue…
Déjà vu’
By Cat Moon
Mick St. John stood in the shadows of the roof, staring out over his city as he’d done so many times in the past. The difference was there, of course: tonight he couldn’t hear the traffic below as if he were in the middle of it; couldn’t smell the blood and decay and garbage. It felt like being wrapped in cotton. It was both disturbing and pleasant; but then that pretty much summed up his entire life, especially lately.
People would have felt sorry for him if they knew it had been so many years since he’d allowed himself the touch of another – but in actuality is was safe, comforting. The misery began after you let your guard down, allowed someone close. You knew you shouldn’t, tried to avoid it but eventually the loneliness got too be too much. So you tentatively let down your shields a bit. Then more and more… until one day you were entertaining the crazy thought that maybe it could actually work out.
And that’s when your heart was crushed under the cruel heel of fate.
Mick had told her that human/vampire relationships don’t end well. Truth was, no relationship Mick had ever had ended well. Human/human, vampire/vampire, didn’t seem to matter. As the decades went by, and he had nothing but time to think, he had to start wondering why.
“I don’t deserve you.”
The thought was so close to what he’d been thinking about himself that he gaped at the woman next to him in shock. He wasn’t used to people being able to sneak up on him either, it was disconcerting.
“What are you talking about?” he asked her incredulously.
Beth looked away before answering. “You’ve taken care of me, watched over me since I was little. Since I’ve known you these past few months you’ve done nothing but save my life, tried to protect me… and I’ve treated you badly.”
“How do you figure that?” She had to know he didn’t blame her for anything, didn’t she? Most of it was his fault.
“Truth is, I treated you both badly.”
“Beth…” he began, without any real idea of what he
wanted to say.
“I kept brushing off Josh’s anger, denying his concerns. At least he died at peace, thinking things were okay again with us – and for awhile I felt guilty about that too, like I would have felt so much better if I’d broken his heart before he died,” she mocked herself.
“I don’t know what you’re—“
“Did I break your heart, too?”
Oh God. What the hell should he say to her? “None of it is your fault.”
“I have to disagree with you, Mick. I definitely have some fault, here.”
“Maybe we all do then,” he answered, shifting uncomfortably at the conversation they were having.
“You think human life is so sacred, so precious; what about the ugliness inside of us sometimes, what do you think of that?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say…”
“The truth would be a start. Maybe if you stop pretending… I can stop pretending.”
He rubbed his hand across his face. “Maybe it was always a mutual decision,” he answered curtly, letting just a little bit of truth out.
“I said some hurtful things. I was punishing you, you know.” He clenched his jaw, remained silent. “Because you kept pushing me away, denying how you felt. God, I was acting like such a spoiled brat!” she exclaimed. “All you were doing was trying to protect me, and I was too selfish to understand.”
“Maybe I wasn’t just doing it to protect you,” he finally admitted. “Maybe I had other reasons.”
“Wow. Déjà vu, huh? We’ve been here before.”
He had to agree; it felt like that night again, for some reason. When she’d confronted him on the roof, another emotional conversation he dreaded, and she was determined to have. “If I had ever been here before, on another time around the wheel I’d probably know just how to deal,” he quoted with a wry grin.
“After your time, weren’t they?” she said without sting.
“A vampire’s gotta keep up with the times.”
“Question is, is it gonna end the same way?”
“How’s that?” he dared question.
“I kiss you and you walk away.”
He couldn’t help a slight smile from curving his lips. “Are you gonna kiss me?”
“I haven’t decided yet. Depends on how it ends.”
“What if it doesn’t end well?” he asked, turning towards her, willing himself to meet her gaze this time. The sun was just starting to rise; today he had no need to hide from it. Maybe he could stop hiding from her, too.
She gave a harsh bark of laugh. “In case you hadn’t noticed, it already ended badly.”
He nodded in agreement. “Too true.”
“As long as no more innocents get hurt because they have the unfortunately luck of getting in the middle of “Us”, I’ll be okay with it.”
There was some wisdom in her words, he decided. Who knows how things would have gone if there was total honesty on both sides from the start. It might not have ended any better, but those kinds of thoughts were nothing but speculation.
“I’m willing to give it a shot if you are,” he answered in a casual voice that belayed the nervous butterflies in his churning stomach; the rapid, skipping beat of his temporarily mortal heart. Would he have had the courage to contemplate such things if he wasn’t human at this moment?
“What if I don’t want you to be my guardian angel anymore?” she challenged.
“I think I stopped being that a long time ago,” he admitted. “Well, a few months ago anyway,” he corrected.
She put her hand up to his face, just barely touching it. “So what are you gonna do if I kiss you?”
He took her hand and pressed it against his cheek. The panicky feeling increased, but he resolved to ignore it. Just this once. Take a chance. “I’m going to take you downstairs and make love to you,” he began in a low, seductive voice. “Then hours from now, when we’re both exhausted, I’m going to hold you in my arms and answer all the questions I didn’t before.”
Even without vampire senses, he could see her eyes darken in desire at his words. Looking into those eyes, suddenly vulnerable in a way he’d never noticed before, he saw all his mistakes. He saw the truth.
“So, have you decided yet?” Mick asked, slowly drawing her body closer to his.
The sun had risen, but Mick didn’t notice. She’d made her decision.
The end
2/24/08
*Déjà vu, song by Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young
Now this should have been in the show!!!! *scream* *scream* *scream* *thud*
Unlike on the show where you definitely got the feeling he was still keeping a lot from Beth even after they started dating. Thanks for reading and sharing your comments with me, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
