Don't Let My Heart Go Cold (PG13) - (12/24/2010)

[nutmegger911]

Eternal yet Forgotten (or Don’t Let My Heart Go Cold)

A/N: The Cold Challenge inspired this little piece. Thanks to Luxe de Luxe for sharing her amazing beta talent. You inspire me.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. (though I don’t see any) are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


Eternal yet Forgotten (or Don’t Let My Heart Go Cold)
By Nutmegger911

He couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps this wasn’t a fool’s errand. The forest had grown up around the familiar landmarks since his last visit, and without them he was disoriented. He was about to abandon his quest in despair when of one of the markers caught his eye - the opening to the small cave where long ago he kept vigil through so many days. Relieved, he strode with purpose toward the knoll. Still there. Not lost. Fog blanketed the ground, a smoky shroud that enveloped the stones and further obscured the already long forgotten.

It took a while to find her. He was getting rusty in his native tongue. That, and the fact that hundreds of years of weather and lichen were reclaiming even this small reminder of his beloved’s existence. His lips stretched upward at the thought. Beloved. It was a real word once; used in conversation – not the flourish currently reserved for ceremonial markers of life and death. He had used it himself, and meant it, in conversations with her.

He shivered. How long before the elements obliterated it entirely? And how long after that before an eternity of new experiences eroded the last few traces of her from his own mind?

It would be the death of him if that happened. Her memory – the embers of their passion – was all that warmed his cold heart any more. Standing here with her the decision was easy. He couldn’t stop time, but there was something he could do.

The shadows were long by the time he re-emerged from the forest. A greying gentleman stepped out of a sleek, black automobile parked along the roadside and pulled open his door. The chauffeur appeared genuinely relieved.

“Are you all right, sir? You had me worried. It’s getting dark and there are predators in the forest.”

He half smiled at the irony of the man’s statement. “I’m fine, Bradley; just took my time walking the property.”

The young businessman paused to watch as the sun’s last few rays faded into darkness, before disappearing into the back of the vehicle. As they drove away, he turned on his telephone. The screen showed four messages. He hit send and connected with the over-eager property broker. He was all business now, cutting the salesman off mid-pitch. “I’ll take it. My people will have the paperwork ready in the morning.”

End Notes:

I will show you fear in a handful of dust. – T.S. Elliot

We don’t actually fear death. We fear that no one will notice our absence; that we will disappear without a trace. – Carla Kettner

[francis]

What a great story, nutmegger. It is just a bit like a riddle, makes me guess. I guess it's Josef who is walking a property he once owned back in time, with the grave of a beloved. I love how you give us a feeling of the time that has gone by, of the eternity of years that change so much. Yet Josef is sentimental enough to buy the property back, to keep things as they were. He's holding on on the memory. Isn't that true for even us mortal ones that memories are what shaped us into who we are today?
This is a lovely introspective piece. Thank you!

[jen]

Nutmegger

I am in awe. This is fabulous.

You so vividly and wonderfully capture the longing and real fear that the passage of time as the memories of the present crowd out the past--even the precious, cherished pieces of it.

The fact that you never named the vampire I find especially delicious, as in truth, it could be anyone. Loving and losing becomes more the rule than the exception, I would think. Even the remarkable story of Emma and Jackson had a harsh conclusion.

Another wonderful detail of it is that love is cherished and they are warmed by it, even in the cold reaches of eternity.

Thank you!

Jenna

[Luxe de Luxe]

this is a beautiful, little fic, an elegy to the painfulness of memory and forgetting, the twin curse of the vampire. These sentences took my breath away:

Beloved. It was a real word once

And..

He had used it himself, and meant it

that just made the whole piece so sad.... especially when we suspect that this man is Josef, a modern man with a gold-plated carapace that nothing much gets past. Of course he would buy the land. As you said,

He couldn’t stop time, but there was something he could do.

Well done.

[GuardianAngel]

Very nice, nutmegger. Poignant and totally believable. You know there is a lot of history in Josef. Centuries worth. He's of an era we can barely conceive. Love is ageless though.

I can totally see this as a sister piece to my "Torches" - Josef going back to visit the grave of the love of his life.

Her memory – the embers of their passion – was all that warmed his cold heart any more.

It's hard to lose those we love. Some just count the minutes until they can join with them. It's hard to imagine that time stretching endlessly. So very sad.




Edited: Because I should READ before I SUBMIT

[MickLifeCrisis]

This was amazing! It painted such a picture in my mind! And I echo everyone else's comments upthread. Well done!

[allegrita]

What a lovely, poignant, and emotional piece. Alone, he can express his inner feelings and think over his fears and regrets; but as soon as he's back among others, he snaps back to the all-business, consummate businessman. He's got the money to buy this property, and preserve this place that's so important to him. And I'm glad he's doing that... because memory is sometimes all we have to tie us to the past. And stretching back hundreds of years, those memories would naturally grow dimmer and more tenuous. At least now he's got something solid to tie those memories to.

I loved his musing over the word "beloved." It's a beautiful word, and I agree with him that it's a shame the word has fallen out of normal use.

Thank you for this thoughtful and melancholy story.

[cassysj]

Lovely. You paint such a picture with your words. I also like his thoughts about the word Beloved. But as soon as the "real" world invades he is back to his public persona.

[darkstarrising]

This is a lovely, melancholy story, nutmegger . Josef has returned to a place that holds meaning for him, as well as a piece of his heart.

He shivered. How long before the elements obliterated it entirely? And how long after that before an eternity of new experiences eroded the last few traces of her from his own mind?

It would be the death of him if that happened. Her memory – the embers of their passion – was all that warmed his cold heart any more. Standing here with her the decision was easy. He couldn’t stop time, but there was something he could do.

The passage quoted above struck me in particular. An immortal reconnecting from his long past, never wanting to forget that which once made him human. Were he to forget her, he would lose himself as well.

Sad, but beautifully done!

[nutmegger911]

What a great story, nutmegger. It is just a bit like a riddle, makes me guess. I guess it's Josef who is walking a property he once owned back in time, with the grave of a beloved. I love how you give us a feeling of the time that has gone by, of the eternity of years that change so much. Yet Josef is sentimental enough to buy the property back, to keep things as they were. He's holding on on the memory. Isn't that true for even us mortal ones that memories are what shaped us into who we are today?
This is a lovely introspective piece. Thank you!

Thank you so much, Francis. I'm glad you enjoyed it. And you are so right, these issues affect humans as well as vampires. Thanks again.

[nutmegger911]

Nutmegger

I am in awe. This is fabulous.

You so vividly and wonderfully capture the longing and real fear that the passage of time as the memories of the present crowd out the past--even the precious, cherished pieces of it.

The fact that you never named the vampire I find especially delicious, as in truth, it could be anyone. Loving and losing becomes more the rule than the exception, I would think. Even the remarkable story of Emma and Jackson had a harsh conclusion.

Another wonderful detail of it is that love is cherished and they are warmed by it, even in the cold reaches of eternity.

Thank you!

Jenna

Oh, Jen... You made my day.

I hoped by not naming the vamp, it would convey that these fears and feelings are universal; and yes, love is cherished. Thank you again.

[nutmegger911]

this is a beautiful, little fic, an elegy to the painfulness of memory and forgetting, the twin curse of the vampire. These sentences took my breath away:

Beloved. It was a real word once

And..

He had used it himself, and meant it

that just made the whole piece so sad.... especially when we suspect that this man is Josef, a modern man with a gold-plated carapace that nothing much gets past. Of course he would buy the land. As you said,

He couldn’t stop time, but there was something he could do.

Well done.

Luxe, Thank you so much for everything. Your generous beta advice really helped me pull this together.

[nutmegger911]

Very nice, nutmegger. Poignant and totally believable. You know there is a lot of history in Josef. Centuries worth. He's of an era we can barely conceive. Love is ageless though.

I can totally see this as a sister piece to my "Torches" - Josef going back to visit the grave of the love of his life.

Her memory – the embers of their passion – was all that warmed his cold heart any more.

It's hard to lose those we love. Some just count the minutes until they can join with them. It's hard to imagine that time stretching endlessly. So very sad.

Thank you GA. I went and read your story and loved it! (I'll go back and leave comments when I get a minute.) You are right; they do complement each other well.

[nutmegger911]

This was amazing! It painted such a picture in my mind! And I echo everyone else's comments upthread. Well done!

Thank you MLC. This started out as a quote and a feeling. I'm glad you liked it.

[wpgrace]

You know, I think it is hard for us who grew up with photographs and home movies and video to really appreciate, as Alle noted and this fic explores , how important sheer memory was to sense of self back in pre vid times. And always will be for our vamps.

And the way to connect to those memories is thru something tangible that becomes symbolic. This is a lovely, insightful piece, NM.