Cul-de-sac (challenge #129) PG-13, part 2 of 2

[PNWgal]

I have looked forward to the rest of this.

I really liked the change in cadence, from the fast-paced first part to the calm and measured ending. What's done is done and Mick can only move forward from this point.

Isolated, cocooned, Mick sensed the dawn, a prickle of discomfort heralding another day as body and soul longed to wake with the light.

I loved this, love that Mick as a vampire can feel the dawn coming. He feels the daylight just like he did as a human...just in a different way.

But while there's surface acceptance to his fate, there's still a bit of rebellion here:

Into the shower, scalding water burning, welts rising on frigid skin. He stood it as long as he could before he succumbed, dialling down to cold, soothing relief.

When someone wants something SO BADLY and they lose it, there's that period of denial, that if they pretend hard enough, things will be the same. Mick does it here until he physically is unable to and then gives in the the reality.

The elevator pinged his arrival and he eased across the parking garage into the Benz, his finger hovering over the phone screen. Escape had tempted him. Pack a bag, throw it in the trunk and head out on the road. North, south, anywhere, to be in motion.

But escape meant leaving Beth behind. Thoughts of never seeing her again seared through his chest, a sense memory of the bullet’s track. In that final, fatal moment, life pumping and straining in every nerve, he'd lost everything; now he knew his resolve would never be strong enough to let her go. His urge to protect had dragged her deeper into his world and forced her to make a decision neither of them had foreseen. A decision he doubted he had the strength to make.

She could handle his secrets.

She wasn’t afraid.

She was stronger.

Oh. Yes. This is so spot on. You've hit here the essence of Mick and of Beth. He would run, but he can't leave Beth behind...and he knows she's so much stronger than he is in regards to acceptance.

What I really love is Mick's resolve to go on, to live, to play the cards that have been dealt him, even though he's lost something he's wanted for so long. The two people that love him and that he loves have been giving him time to adjust, but he knows he has to step that step forward.

Fabulous Mick/Josef conversation. Mick finally sees what Josef's known - being human isn't all it's cracked up to be. He couldn't save Beth as a human, and he's coming around.

This, I LOVED:

He smiled, a brief, sad smile, “Warm. It felt warm, inside.”

A simple yet beautiful way to sum up the human condition.

“Were we right?” She had to know. If he’d never be able to accept the decision she’d made, she had to know. If this was the end, she had to know.

Mick shrugged, a small smile warming her, “I wanted to be human, not dead.”

“And now?”

“You were only in danger from Anders because I was human – I couldn’t protect you. I told you I didn’t want to have any regrets. I couldn’t have lived with myself if something had happened to you. If Anders had-“

To me, this is the crux of this whole second part. Did Beth do the right thing by asking Josef to Turn Mick back? She thinks so, and so does Mick. He may hate what he is, but not enough to put an end to his existence. I've always seen Beth as his reason for hanging on after he rescued her, but I always wondered what kept him going before that...but I digress.

What I also really liked about this piece? There's no mention of forgiveness. Neither Beth nor Josef ask for it, and Mick doesn't offer it. All three know that they all did what had to be done, and Mick is not sorry to be alive. There's regrets, to be sure, but there's also hope and the promise of what can be.




Edited because I apparently don't know the difference between quotes and italics.

[fairytoes]

Magnificent. Wonderful....

Thank you Red.

* is off to get a hankie now*

[librarian_7]

What everyone else has said. But I have to admit, amidst the deep emotion, I had one laugh-out-loud moment.

“Ah yes – because that’s been the overriding characteristic of your relationship: simplicity.” Josef's snort was swallowed in Scotch as he took another gulp.

Ah, Red...great snark.

Lucky

[redwinter101]

dsr, thank you. Satisfying is always good.

PNWgal, thanks, honey. You got this - you really got this and that makes me very happy indeed. When your lives are as complicated as Mick, Beth and Josef's sometimes forgiveness just isn't what it's all about.

All three know that they all did what had to be done, and Mick is not sorry to be alive.

I've always seen Beth as his reason for hanging on after he rescued her, but I always wondered what kept him going before that.

This is one of the things I've always felt about Mick - he loves life. He wants to go on, to have more, to be better - and that's why he's kept going, even when he's hated himself, his life, the whole damned universe. Because the alternative just isn't in his character.

fairytoes, thank you.

Lucky, YAY!!! Laugh out loud is always a thrill. Thank you.

Red

[loveyoumick]

Wonderful story. Absolutely.
I was waiting for this second part, before I added a comment, because somehow that different take on the scene at Anders', and the re-turning, left me with a strange feeeling. But now everything is perfect...
I swear, I could feel every sigh, every little bit of pain and regret, coming from Mick after getting out from the freezer. His silence, the silence of the loft, the hot shower becoming cold...what a wonderful moment. It talked to me more than a million words could.
But then again, I just love his resolve to go on, without further drama ( well, not so much , anyway ), because he needs his undeath life, he needs Beth. The hope for the future she gives him, it's the only cure that matters.
Thank you for sharing this awesome work !

[redwinter101]

That's really lovely, loveyoumick - thank you so much. I love what you said about Mick's resolve - that's such a great word for him. No matter what's happened, he goes on. He finds a way to cope and to move forward, even when he's in terrible pain.

Red

[darkstarrising]

Red, this story in its entirety is satisfying on so many levels....

In the first part of the story, you bring us in at a moment of crisis, a moment of decision, faking many of us out in the process. (Kudos for that, by the way.) Yet the scenario you presented us was the triangle formed by a man (Mick) and the two people who loved him (Beth and Josef). Mick, who had been given the gift of mortality, a gift he'd yearned for for so long, was having that gift wrenched away from him as he bled out on the floor. As he lays dying, a plea from Beth to have Josef turn him back puts Josef in a position he doesn't like being in - indecisive. As Josef sees it, he's damned if he does turn Mick back, knowing how much Mick loathed his condition, and damned if he doesn't and Mick dies. The tug of war is between Beth and Josef and each within themselves...Mick doesn't have a say in their decision and both Josef and Beth are terrified that they're making the wrong one.

As you present us with the second part of the story, the deed is done and Mick has returned to the land of the undead. Yet he still clings to those few days he spent in the sun, resisting returning to the routine he'd known for a half century. He resists his frozen slumber until exhaustion claims him. He stands under a hot shower until pain drives him to the healing cold. He looks for a trace, any trace of his human self in the mirror and finds none. His return to being a vampire was abrupt, unforeseen and unwelcome and he just can't fully accept it quite yet.

He had the day and he’d spend it in the sun, in the life and heart of the city. Fuck the consequences.

The exchanges with Josef were telling - would Mick damn his friend or thank him? You portray this first meeting perfectly, with Josef testing the waters with verbal sparring.

Well, you look like death warmed over," Josef’s greeting as he glided across the room, heading for the bar.

Mick smiled, "Thank you, Josef. I can always rely on you to find the right words for any occasion."

"And what occasion is this? A celebration or a wake?" Josef spun on his heel, holding up a decanter of unquestionably fine Scotch.

Mick nodded; Josef poured. "A little of both, I guess."

And then you have them do what close male friends do when a show of gratitude is in order, but feared to be given...they make a joke out of it and have a drink.

Mick sat forward, holding his friend’s gaze, “I understand, Josef, and I know it wasn’t easy.”

“That almost sounded like, ‘Thank you for saving my ass, Josef.’”

Mick smiled his lopsided smile, “It did, didn’t it?”

They drank.

The final exchange between the two men is what really tugged at my heartstrings....Josef, for all his bluster about enjoying his condition, still wonders what it would be like to feel what he hadn't felt in over four centuries.

There was something else Josef wanted to ask, he could sense it.

“What did it feel like?”

“Being human again?”

Josef nodded.

His question caught Mick unawares, emotion rising, unexpected tears brimming. He smiled, a brief, sad smile, “Warm. It felt warm, inside.”

The subsequent exchanges between Mick and Beth were the most satisfying at all, far more so than what we were shown. In your story, Mick acknowledges that what Josef and Beth decided was the right thing to do, but still Beth senses some remorse.

“How does it feel?”

Mick pulled away, frowning, trying to find the words to describe the emotions of the last 36 hours.

“Strange. I wasn’t ready. I thought I’d have more time. I thought we’d have more time.”

But in this final passage, you get to the heart of the matter, the source of Mick's inner pain.

A well of sorrow for what might have been surged within. Of all the things he'd done and failed to do when he was human, this was the regret he'd carry forever - not losing his life, but losing his chance to kiss her, to be with her, man to woman.

Here, you show us a man torn between the reality of his life and the dream of what he wanted it to be.

Thank you so much for this Red,

[redwinter101]

<-- me

Thanks so much, dsr - you have no idea how happy that makes me. I'm delighted you enjoyed the story - and you pulled out all my favourite bits.

Here, you show us a man torn between the reality of his life and the dream of what he wanted it to be.

This made me happiest of all - because it's a perfect summary of how I would describe Moonlight - the vampires, the cases, even the romance, everything else was secondary. For me, it was all about Mick's struggle to find his place in the world.

Red

[rijane]

So, I got me some wine, and some more wine and a little bit of chocolate. And I read. Slow and steady. And then I read again. And, tbh, I'd give the rest of this bottle to get the chance to read it like the first time every time. But failing that, I will just enjoy this by finding something new every time.

Mick sensed the dawn, a prickle of discomfort heralding another day as body and soul longed to wake with the light

.

Sigh. I wept a little.

The itch beneath his skin that could only be soothed in ice compelled him, step by step, fists clenched tight, crescents of blood piercing each palm.

Oh Mick, that resistance, that fight to stay just a little human.

telltale bump of bullet under bone,

God, this phrase makes me warm in dark places.

He closed his eyes, chin dropping to his chest.

I love that you let him mourn in this story. The series glossed straight over it, but Mick lost a dream. Even if it was by his own decision, it was something that he lost and it deserved a time to mourn.

He had the day and he’d spend it in the sun, in the life and heart of the city. Fuck the consequences

Love the fatalism of this! Very Mick!

“Ah yes – because that’s been the overriding characteristic of your relationship: simplicity.”

And Josef's snark! Delicious!

“He didn’t.” She reached forward to take his hand. “He didn’t, Mick.” She stroked her thumb over his palm, “How does it feel?”
...

“Strange. I wasn’t ready. I thought I’d have more time. I thought we’d have more time.”

My heart -- there's such longing in the simple words and gestures here.

A well of sorrow for what might have been surged within. Of all the things he'd done and failed to do when he was human, this was the regret he'd carry forever - not losing his life, but losing his chance to kiss her, to be with her, man to woman.

But she was right about one thing. They were alive.

There was life; there was hope; there was tomorrow.

This, *this* is how I'm going to choose to remember the series ending. I'm just going to wipe out the last few eps and just paste this bit of loveliness over all the lumps and lost romantic moments.

Red, you do it every time, all the time. You grab hold of the tendrils of my heart still rooted in Moonlight and remind me what sent my life spinning on its axis - the love, the angst, Mick's passionate yet fearful love of Beth, pushy Beth, bromance, regret, sadness, and the chance at joy.

Thank you so much for this wonderful story and many thanks to Grace for being the one to plant the seed. This fandom is so lucky to have you and I put myself at the very top of that list of people so happy and thankful that you've given so much.

[redwinter101]

Now you've made me cry, damn you.

Loss and longing. I love that you found those here - for me, they are the essence of Mick - and it was wonderful (and more than a little cathartic) to give Mick a chance to mourn. As you say, he *should* have had that chance in the show but he never got it.

This, *this* is how I'm going to choose to remember the series ending. I'm just going to wipe out the last few eps and just paste this bit of loveliness over all the lumps and lost romantic moments.

Thank you is so very inadequate - but heartfelt.

Red

[Shadow]

What a gorgeous second half of this story, Red. So different from the first half, but all fitting together so beautifully.

Love the beginning where Mick's body and soul are still feeling the pull of the sun. He's still clinging to his human time, still mourning for it, and it’s so good to get to see him do that. It felt so wrong not to see that in the show. This feels just like what he would have done. And so does the way he lets Beth and Josef back into his life and moves on from where he is.

“What did it feel like?”
“Being human again?”
Josef nodded.
His question caught Mick unawares, emotion rising, unexpected tears brimming. He smiled, a brief, sad smile, “Warm. It felt warm, inside.”

This is my favorite part of the conversation with Josef. That burst of life he felt from Mick hit Josef pretty hard, all right! It's rather beautiful to see Josef really wanting to know what being human felt like. And what an answer from Mick . . . so sad and so happy at the same time.

Great to see Mick describe Josef as being fatherly, too. Such a nice echo of the show.

Love the way you've turned things upside down in Mick and Beth's rooftop conversation. You've caught Beth in this scene so much better than the show did. I’d much rather remember the words she speaks here . . . they’re really what she should have said.

I’m human and you’re a vampire but it doesn’t mean we’re back to where we started.

Oh . . . I loved that.

“I just need a little time.”
“Don’t take too long." She turned into his touch, placing a soft kiss against his palm. "I almost lost you and I don’t want to waste another moment.”

And this . . . oh yes, this is what Beth would have/should have said. Now I can imagine her in the show saying, "I almost died and I don't want to waste another moment." I'd have liked that so much better. . . . .

I especially like this road not taken because even though it is a huge divergence, it brings us back, within the one episode, onto the Moonlight road again. It's just beautiful the way you slip the story back into the old scenes and dialogue.

[redwinter101]

Thank you so much, Shadow - I can't tell you how delighted your lovely comment makes me. There were so many things about the final 4 eps that didn't quite work, mostly because they felt rushed (to me) - and this felt like a little chance to set things straight. For example, I could easily imagine Beth telling Mick not to take too long because she didn't have forever - just not right then, when Mick's given up everything for her.

However, one of my favourite things about Click was the Mick/Josef "Dad" conversation. It would have been so easy to make the post-re-turning conversation fraught and angsty and I *loved* that they kept it light and warm and subtle. That, more than anything, proved to me that Mick and Josef could survive anything - and it was very much the template for the conversation in this story.

And this . . . oh yes, this is what Beth would have/should have said. Now I can imagine her in the show saying, "I almost died and I don't want to waste another moment." I'd have liked that so much better. . . . .

You've made my day.



Red

[Marigold]

This was beautiful, Red!

The conversation between Josef and Mick was fantastic. Your characterization was spot-on! I also loved the title of the story.

But she was right about one thing. They were alive.

There was life; there was hope; there was tomorrow.

Such a lovely sentiment... This kind of thinking is exactly what Mick needs.

Thank you!

[jen]

Red

Absolutely wonderful!

So satisfying on many levels.

Thank you!

Jenna

[jen]

Beautiful, hopeful resolution to FTP