Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

[Fleur de Lisa]

lucky~~Wonderful. I loved the detailed thought processes that you so aptly wrote for Beth. And, like coco, I adore anything told from Beth's POV. The best part of this challenge, is seeing every author's take on Beth's strength and inner fortitude. She sees something completely out of the realm of rationality, yet somehow is able to rationalize it, put the steps in order in her mind, and deal with it. You laid that out brilliantly here.

Just a few lines that I simply had to point out:

I could almost feel the questions start forming in my brain, packs of them jostling to get to my tongue and be first out the gate. Ready to go live with camera and lights, on a story I could never tell.

Perfect. Describes Beth to a tee. And already, she knows this is the biggest secret she will ever have to keep.

So when I got to the door, instead of going on through it, and back into the reality I used to know, I stopped.

Simply put and full of meaning. That was a life altering decision she made there. And now her world completely changes.

And the line that broke my heart:

“You can’t,” he said. “No one can.”

Gah--again, rife with meaning. Great job lucky, thank you for this.

[francis]

Librarian, this is stunning. I love how you give Beth a voice, and what a voice it is. This is the Beth we got to know in the first episodes, and actually your Beth is more of a character with motivations and background than the show Beth was. I never really connected the dots on what makes her tick, but you managed.
And how she gets Mick. She gets that he is hurt, that he wants to hide, that he thinks no-one can help. Yet she doesn't just leave to deal with her own shock. She asks what she can do, and when she realizes that leaving is the best thing to do, she does.
Later in the desert she will refuse to leave, seeing as he has no other help but her, but here she complies. And it totally makes sense that he wouldn't call her like he promised, and that she would follow up on this.
I can so see Mick getting into a frenzy at the thought of Josef finding Beth there. The echo in her thoughts is enough to see that. Great writing.
I could quote more, but this was long enough as it is. Thank you for this brilliant piece of writing.

[librarian_7]

Thanks to all for the comments...I know that Beth had much more to process that morning than Mick's revelation, but I'm sure it all got pushed aside with what he said.

I couldn't see them having a long conversation under the circumstances, with Mick so wounded, and as so many others have thought, I expect he called Josef or Guillermo for help.

Thank you for reading and commenting...it's such a pleasure for me to be able to share my writing with you all.

Lucky

[Raven]

Loved this Lucky! I hear Beth's voice perfectly.
This was my favorite passage...

After all, I’d never read anything about vampires that didn’t say they were (or would be, if they existed, of course) anything but dangerous, possibly deadly. But this was Mick, for heaven’s sakes.

This scene was so special for me (for many) and each time I revisit it through each writer's imagination...I'm drawn in...and there's a feeling that, oh yes, this is how it happened. The one constant is that regardless of the impact on Beth's reality with the vampire revealing...she knows, instinctively that she's safe because it's Mick.
You did the scene justice, Lucky. Thank you!

[librarian_7]

Thanks, Raven. I haven't written much Beth, and it's wicked tough to catch her voice. I'm glad you thought I succeeded!

Lucky

[Phoenix]

Wonderful, Lucky.

[RangerCM]

Not sure how I missed this one, but I'm sure glad I found it! It fills in the place between episodes beautifully. Well done

[Moonlighter]

Nice job, Lucky. I like how you have Beth's thoughts processing through her obvious state of shock, but this was great:

And you’d think, really, that killing a homicidal ex-con to save someone’s life might be the most stunning thing that would happen in the space of one night. I thought I’d get a chance to wrap my brain around that, before anything else happened.

Nope! Not on the Giant Thrill Ride with Mick St. John.

I'm glad that even in her dazed state she realized the importance of keeping Mick's secret and closed his door. Her gut instincts told her that was the right thing to do and also that she had nothing to fear from Mick.

The only part I question is... are you SURE she wasn't voted most likely to shoot a man in school?

LOL! Grace, let's hope she didn't show signs of being able to shoot a man dead in high school!! ...College maybe, but not high school! LOL!

[jen]

Wonderful, Lucky

Beth is figuring out the angles, and not entirely sure of what she sees, or thinks she sees. Yet through it all, she recognizes that this ia a person who has saved her life and taken care of her, and she is strangely attracted to him.

Love it. There were many scenes in Moonlight that seemed to be cut before the moment fully developed on screen and this is one of them.

Thanks for sharing your vision here.

[librarian_7]

Thanks for the comment, jen! Nice to see someone giving my office a good visit, and please, feel free to keep reading!

Lucky

[maggatha3]

Hey Lucky , I remember reading that one when I first came to the site, but was too shy to even post a line...(See, rogue me has gone a looong way since then..) I love your story, it picks my most beloved Moonlight moments and adds all that I needed to hear in Beth's mind..as well as in mine..I fell in love with ML right there, where she asked ''What are you?'' and we saw Mick so vampire and yet so vulnerable..

And you’d think, really, that killing a homicidal ex-con to save someone’s life might be the most stunning thing that would happen in the space of one night. I thought I’d get a chance to wrap my brain around that, before anything else happened.

My feelings exactly, Lucky!!

[cassysj]

I'm visiting old challenges. It is interesting to hear this from Beth's POV

[Marigold]

Lucky - you did a fantastic job of capturing Beth's voice!

It’s not like I was voted “Most likely to shoot a man” in my high school yearbook, or anything.

Actually, I wouldn't be all that surprised...

Okay, that pissed me off. So I pointed out that he didn’t wander off and leave me, when that insane serial killer of a grad student had me. That he didn’t leave Julia to get killed by Lee Jay.

I love this! So in-character!

Thank you!

[BlueEyedMonster]

Always bothered me Beth walked away and not tried to help him. Thanks for "fixing" that little mistake.