A Year-Long Love Letter (PG-13) - complete 7/5

[sabazzz]

Wow......

That instant when all I wanted was for it to stop, just for a second so I could get my breath. I could feel my body shutting down, my mind starting to wander and for a moment, just a moment, I thought about staying there - just lying there and letting the silver do its work. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know why. Sitting here now I know that's not what I want - I want you, to be with you.

I can feel him, I can feel that he is just hanging on by a thread, Beth making him hang on..for just a little longer. These couple of lines are just so beautiful that I can really feel him...

Fabulous, Red!

[coco]

It shouldn't be this hard. Maybe it has to be, who knows? I hope this means we're getting close to the end. God I hope to see you soon, my love.

Part of me screams out that it shouldn't be this hard, but maybe it has to be this way. I know that I will never waste another single moment with you. We will be together again.

These two lines stood out for me Red in the first two letters. They are seperated but yet they are not that far apart at all. Both thinking the same thing without knowing it.

I should never have waited so long. As soon as I stepped into the bedroom it was like you were there with me. The air still smelled of your perfume. Your clothes in the closet, ready for you to pull them out - all of them at the same time probably; our bed, unmade, like we'd just got up. I swear when I climbed in, it felt warm. As I read, I could hear your voice, speaking your words of love to me, for me. You were here. You touched me, you held me - we were making love and it was amazing. I felt alive again.

I remember how vivid this section was when I read Afterglow and this letter just brings it all back. That one letter from Beth gave him peace and allowed him to feel her again if only for a little bit. *sigh*

[seamus3333]

I just read Fleur de Lisa's post about not reading as much fan fic lately. My reaction has been the opposite. I'm not watching the episodes of Moonlight as often as I used to. Because of fan fic, the story of Moonlight has progressed to season two..three and more. Because of writers here, many of whom are far and away superior to the original writers of the show, I am still hearing and watching (in my mind's eye) the saga of Mick, Beth, Joseph et al. Thank you, ladies!

[francis]

Red, I could quote everything everyone else quoted. This is so powerful! It gives your story another layer, makes it deeper. Mick almost giving up, and Josef worrying, and Mick going to their bedroom and feeling Beth with him - it makes me cry. It's sooooo good. Thank you.

[redwinter101]

Moonlightsonata, thank you. This was a key point in the story - hence the long letter. Mick's continuing to write the things he feels - but would never otherwise be able to say.

Grace, frank indeed. In my mind, Mick is writing these letters to himself, just as much as to Beth - hence the outpouring.

Lisa,

When would Mick ever have shared his horror story of being shot full of silver? Or not freaked out that Beth was involving herself more and more in investigating this situation?

Never. Not in words anyway - but he can write it. I love your feeling that they are getting stronger while they are apart; I certainly think their relationship is getting deeper and Mick, especially, is learning more about himself through the pain of separation.

MLC, only two? I must be doing something wrong. I am delighted that you're enjoying these.

sabazzz, you can feel him? Wow. I love that. Love that. Thank you.

coco, when I included Beth's letter in the story, it was because I felt Mick had got to the point where if he didn't get a sign, something to keep him going, then he really would start to crumble. Thank you for the sigh.

seamus, delighted you're still with me on this one.

francis, I love you, you know?

Red

[lynnrxgal]

I just read Fleur de Lisa's post about not reading as much fan fic lately. My reaction has been the opposite. I'm not watching the episodes of Moonlight as often as I used to. Because of fan fic, the story of Moonlight has progressed to season two..three and more. Because of writers here, many of whom are far and away superior to the original writers of the show, I am still hearing and watching (in my mind's eye) the saga of Mick, Beth, Joseph et al. Thank you, ladies!

Me, too, Red. You make our ML people come alive, truly alive! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[redwinter101]

Oh Lynn, that's so sweet. Really. I'm touched. Thank you.

Red

[mitzie]

Extremely intense and powerful letters! The part in Beth's letter that mirrored Mick's thoughts just shows how deep their connection is. I don't know what I could add to what everyone else has said already! That last letter was such a blockbuster, the water bursting through the dam so to speak!!!! I love these letters and can't wait for more...


mitzie

[allegrita]

I love the twin letters they wrote to each other. You did this so well, Red--it could have been schmaltzy, but it wasn't. It was just... they were connected, they were on the same wavelength. And that came through. How sweet the letters are, and how desperately sad. But I agree--they are both growing during this separation, and thank goodness they're growing in ways that will bring them closer instead of pulling them apart. Because sometimes that happens, too.

The one he wrote after the ambush. Guh. It brought back all of the fear, all of the pain that I felt when I read the chapter the first time. But it did something else, too. For one thing, you (through Mick) give a really good description of a vampire's outlook toward pain and injury. This is something that I've always had trouble with, since pain hurts me for a long time. (Duh.) But the way Mick describes it in his letter finally helped me "get" it. OK, that works for me. So thank you for that. And thank Mick, too. Second, although Mick doesn't pull any punches in describing what happened (after all, he knows that Josef told Beth about it), he works his way through the incident and firmly puts it behind him in this letter. And he acknowledges that what he and Beth are doing in parallel is dangerous, but worth the danger--and he's reassured and heartened by the fact that, even separated, even under these horrible circumstances, they are still a good team.

The part that got to me most was when he apologized for that momentary wish to let it all just stop. He apologized to Beth for even contemplating giving up. And I'm sure when Beth read that letter, she had to stop for a little while...because she couldn't see through the tears. That's love... that's devotion.

Reading the part of Mick's letter where he describes finally going into their room... well, I lost it again there. It kept reminding me of the line at the end of Fever where Mick says, "Maybe it was her blood in my veins that let me feel her. The beating of her very living heart. Or maybe, we've always been connected." And in this letter, Mick comes to the right conclusion.

A connection that strong can't be broken - not by pain, by separation, by fear, by time. It goes on. We go on.

Oh, I swear, you'll be the death of me... but it's a lovely way to go.

[redwinter101]

mitzie, thank you - both for your kind words, and for your super emoticon-commenting. You really have turned it into an art form.

alle, in all honesty, I think it was a bit schmaltzy. This whole story (and the letters) have an undertone of sentiment that reminds me of what used to be called "women's pictures" - you know, like "Now, Voyager" or "An Affair to Remember". In my defence, it was deliberate. There's something about Mick and Beth that makes me come over all romantic - I can't help myself. And I don't care. I'm glad you liked the pain thing; it's something I'd been thinking about to explain the fearlessness that vampires have - so I'm glad it worked. As for the apology - Mick had a few moments of weakness. That's all they were - just moments when circumstance caught up with him. That's pretty amazing given what they're going through - but he still feels that he's let Beth down. Devotion indeed. Can you tell how much I adore Mick??

There are only a handful more to go and they are in pretty good shape so I should get them posted in the next couple of days.

Red

[Moonlighter]

Darn, my attention’s been taken away from the Board for a couple of days by RL. Hate when that happens.

Anyway Red, Day 114 -- I distinctly remember that scene where Beth read Mick’s note on the plane and smelled the leather wristband of his watch. I recall getting a lump in my throat at the time, so it’s pretty cool you were able to bring that back up.

He had to go through hell to find his heaven. Beautiful.

Ooo FDL, so well said! We would hope that we wouldn’t have to experience hell to find Heaven, but that’s what makes it that much more precious when you do.

"We are who we are." I'm so glad that he's begun to understand that. He'll be a much better person, and a lot happier in the long run, for accepting that he's the sum of his experiences, good and bad. If only Josef had lived to see him achieve this piece of clarity. But maybe he knows--being Josef, maybe he could see Mick gaining that understanding, even before Mick did.

Alle, knowing Josef like we did, I’m sure he was aware of Mick’s growth before Mick was. That’s probably part of why Josef made the decision he did—knowing that Mick was coming into an understanding of himself and would carry on where Josef left off.

Day 146: I love that last line:

I'm sorry this is so brief - it's been a long night and I need to rest. As always, I pray for dreams of you.

M

At the end of the day, all he ever wants is her, always her.

Mick was overjoyed to read his letter from Beth, reading it over and over and… well, you know, you wrote it! Man, am I crazy obsessed that I remember all these scenes without going back to read them? You’ve branded this story into my brain with your beautiful writing so that it’s in there permanently. That my friend is a true compliment, 'cuz it's tucked away in its own special corner, away from all the other useless crap I usually carry around in there. This story is in my "happy place."

Youch. Day 150. How must Beth have felt reading Mick’s side of the Carlyle ordeal? Even though she was trying to help, Josef admonishing her that her “help” put Mick in danger, then to read it from Mick himself – again, youch. More tears from her, I’m sure.

ML surrounds Red with love for sharing these! Red

[redwinter101]

That really is a true compliment, ML, that you can remember the story so well. It makes me grin. Thank you, sweetie.

And I completely agree - all Mick wants, all he ever wants, is to be with Beth. *sniffle*

Red

[redwinter101]

This takes place during chapter 9

Day 250


Beth,

250 days.

250 days and finally Josef has a plan. We have a plan.

Tonight was just a regular night, like so many others over the past few months - we all met, compared notes, chewed the fat but got nowhere. Frustrating doesn't begin to cover it - the feeling that nothing's being achieved while the days click by. It's so hard to keep my feelings to myself. Everyone's helping out because they want to help me - and you - but there are times I want to scream and shout and tell everyone they have to do better, work harder. By the time the meeting broke up I was fit to burst.

And then he told me. Josef thinks he has a way to blackmail them into backing off and leaving us alone. In an instant it played out in my mind. You, coming home, being here, right here with me. Close to me. Almost close enough to touch. I nearly lost it - it felt real for the first time, so real it took my breath away. Then Josef pulled the rug out from under me. It's just a plan, with no guarantees it'll work or how long it'll take.

I've spent so long wishing the time away but now I want everything to go slow, to give him time to make it right. I trust him, and if anyone can pull this off, it's him, but not knowing is pretty rough. I want this done. I want you home.

But we have a plan.

And that's better than yesterday.

I miss you.

Mick

[redwinter101]

This takes place during chapter 9

Day 255


Hey,

Still no word from Josef and I have absolutely no idea where he is. He's not taking my calls and his office claims to know nothing. The scary thing is, I believe them. I wish I could say it's not like him to be so mysterious but we both know that's not true. There's a part of him that loves proving how unpredictable he can be - that he isn't beholden to anyone, not even me.

I just need to know - I'm going a little crazy here, not knowing.

Soon, I hope.

M

[wpgrace]

Agh! These two are hard to read... knowing what will eventually happen!

How sweet that he acknowledges the way the vamp community came together to help him and Beth... tho it also helps them all in the long run; they can't have the Legion running over them... but still, that's his perspective... but I can just see him in the meeting: perpetual cool meets desperate lover. Part cool... part nervous, impatient twitch--tho magnificent looking thru it all no doubt.

But reading about the "plan" and Josef cautioning Mick how it is just a crap shoot... Josef knew damn well how much of a crap shoot it was... and then the last letter, he likes being unpredictable and beholden to no one... right to the bitter end he does. Agh! Chokes me up a bit, Red... it will Mick too when he re-reads these letters some day.