Instinct - PG13 - Champagne Challenge #103

[francis]

Lilly, I'm speechless. This is totally brilliant. You capture Mick's voice, you capture all of his angst, his soul, his loneliness, his fight against himself. I could quote every line, because it's just damn perfect.
His defenses are down and he can't get up again, and he fears her rejection and fears he could hurt her. He frightens her just to get her out. Wonderful, haunting and heartbreaking.

This one is a keeper. I will reread this often.

And I'm amazed how many different takes we have already on this one scene, and they are all just beautiful in their own right.

[Raven]

The amazing Lilly does it again...that was Mick I heard. Most definitely, that was Mick talking to me.
And of course Guillermo dug the silver out!
I love this, Lilly. It is wrought with anguish...

But whatever it is that keeps me here – I’m not sure it’s enough anymore. I just drove off the one thing that made it bearable.
So here I am with this lighter – flicking it on, off, on – staring into the flames again and wondering if I should finish what Spaulding started.

...and amazing insight from Mick.
Love, love, love this so much!

[Lilly]

Grace, Jen, Lisa, francis and Raven -- thank you all so much for your wonderful comments.

He was in so much pain that night -- physically and emotionally -- and some of it still showed when he answered the door in the next episode. He was still hurting. To me, given those constraints, it didn't seem like he could have allowed Beth to get very close that night. Of course she wasn't as horrified as he thought she was and she wasn't scared away, but she was in shock.

I'm not sure if it came through, but my intention was that this is what was going through his mind a couple of hours later, after Guillermo had been there, and he was left alone again with his demons. And why Guillermo instead of Josef? Because Guillermo was a "safer" choice -- less chance of being rebuked for screwing up again.

[cassysj]

Grace, Jen, Lisa, francis and Raven -- thank you all so much for your wonderful comments.

And why Guillermo instead of Josef? Because Guillermo was a "safer" choice -- less chance of being rebuked for screwing up again.

I hadn't thought about it but it's true Josef was already aggravated about the situation and you wouldn't necessarily want listen to him while you were getting silver pulled out.

[Lilly]

And why Guillermo instead of Josef? Because Guillermo was a "safer" choice -- less chance of being rebuked for screwing up again.

I hadn't thought about it but it's true Josef was already aggravated about the situation and you wouldn't necessarily want listen to him while you were getting silver pulled out.

Exactly, Carol -- as great as their friendship is, after the way Mick left things with Josef in the parking lot, I don't imagine he would have wanted to be seen as messing up yet again in Josef's eyes. Josef, on the other hand, would have been there in a minute -- and he may even have kept his mouth shut -- but Mick needed to work through this himself.

[coco]

Oh my. That was fantastic Lilly

[Lilly]

I really treasure the comments on this piece that were made over at the temp board, so I decided to copy them here:

What am I? I’m broken and I’m naked and I’m alone. And right now I’m more scared than I’ve been in fifty-five years.

Poor Mick.

Lilly, that was incredible.

Brilliant story Lilly.
Gosh, he so adorable and so needy.
A very dangerous combination!

Strong stuff indeed

Lilly, I had to reread this. It's just. so. perfect. Sooooo sad, so very Mick. He's the only one who can look into his eyes and not see that beautiful soul shining through. I can see him driving Beth away...and Beth not wanting to go...

But mostly, what I see in this story is Mick's pain, his feeling of responsibility and regret. Those things that are so fundamental to early Mick. I swear, half the time I want to hug him and half the time I want to smack him on the head and say, "Get a clue!!" But you know I'd hug him, because... well, look at him!

Thank you for writing this beautiful story and for posting it here. It is really wonderful.

Yeah, this needed a revisit... I read it and then the site closed down, so I'm delighted you brought it here too... I love the v/o quality of this... Mick's voice as he works out what he feels or how he thinks about something. I loved that about the show and love that you're using it here... always makes us feel so intimate with him...

And I think it works so well with this situation. He's gotta process... yeah he acted on instinct... but now he's gotta step back and process... and Beth complicates that.

And there is a really cool noir vibe to his words here... you really pegged him and self-expression. I FEEL him in this piece.

I'm shamed to say that this is the first time I've read this. I hope I've learned my lesson.

Lilly, your writing is so clean, so pure. These are definitely Mick's thoughts. I could hear it in a VO as if I were watching it.

The vampire is a predator that would live much of its life on instinct. But it would be important to the man as well - just not in the same way.

Yup, for her own safety, Mick would drive away his purpose for living. Thank Bob Beth's instinct is to return to him.

I really liked this. And this line:

The instinct for survival is strong – but sometimes the need for connection is stronger.

Seemed to speak Mick's innermost thought...

Karen

Thank you all so much for your wonderful comments.

This was one of the harder challenges for me -- to bring to life what happened after that pivotal moment and still leave things believable in terms of where the show picked up in the next episode. Episode 3 opened with Mick very guarded and edgy and with Beth having a lot of questions. What I saw in Mick at that point was a man who was still deeply wounded even though his physical injuries had healed. I'm so glad his voice came through.

[Phoenix]

Incredible, Lilly.

[jen]

I just found this! WOW

You have so beautifullly captured the ambiance of Moonlight in this. Poignant, heartbreakingly sad and sweet at the same time. This is absolutely wonderful.

Thank you!

[Lilly]

jen - Thank you so much for your kind words. I do love Mick's voice overs and hoped that device would be an effective way to set the tone.

[Kade1301]

Lovely! Some of my favorite lines:

"If he’d been less talk and more action, he could have finished the job" - exactly what I've been thinking (but then it's a Hollywood law that the bad guys always have to talk too much, otherwise the good guys would all be dead, isn't it <grin>?

"Only problem is, I had left the damn door open. And she walked right in. I guess even instinct screws up once in a while." - Perfect! Just like the next line: "Problem is – instinct doesn’t always think things through."

"than what Guillermo dug out." - so Mick took the blood at the morgue, had Guillermo dig out the silver pellets and is now fighting the lingering effects of silver poisoning - works for me!

I like it that Beth does NOT hang around - ties in with her opening line in episode three (I need you to tell me that I didn't see what I think I saw...)

Bye, Kade

[Moonlighter]

Lilly, like everyone has said, this is fantastic. I "hear" Mick so well in your piece. I would love to quote the whole thing (as many others threatened to do as well!) but this:

Pity and condemnation are two side of the same coin and I wasn’t taking donations. At least not that kind. I just never thought the sound of that door clicking shut could bring me to my knees so quickly.

and this:

The instinct for survival is strong – but sometimes the need for connection is stronger.

just made my knees buckle. Just great work.

[allegrita]

Thanks, Moonlighter, for kicking this up again. It's just such a powerful piece.

[Moonlighter]

Thanks, Moonlighter, for kicking this up again. It's just such a powerful piece.

Anytime, Alle! I think I am a natural "fic bumper." A lot of these wonderful stories are new to me, but I can see how much everyone enjoyed them the first time around so I'm glad to offer the chance for re-reads.

[Lilly]

It was such a surprise -- and a thrill -- to see new comments on this piece today!

Thank you so much, moonlighter, for your very kind words. I'm just delighted that you felt a connection with Mick through my words here.

It's really wonderful when someone finds a fic that they haven't read before some time after the initial buzz has died down. That's especially true of these challenge pieces because they all tend to get read in clusters.

Hi, Alle - thank you for stopping back.