Moonlightaholics

allegrita wrote:DSR, this is just a wonderful story--you bring Beth's mother to life so vividly, through her memories, her hopes, her despair, and her determination that nothing, NOTHING, will hurt her baby again. She'll do anything, agree to any lie, close her eyes to evidence of violence done-- anything to protect her Beth.

My Beth.

That really struck me. Of course she used these words, so long before Mick thought them!

As a mother, I ached right along with Beth's mom, and cried at her relief when Mick brought her baby back to her. I absolutely understand her determination to protect Beth at all costs. And the creaking of the rocking chair is a perfect counterpoint to the rhythms of your story. Beautifully crafted--and best of all, your hard work feels effortless.

This is a story I'll read again and again.

Thanks, alle When Beth's mother falls into the arms of a scruffy looking PI, you got a sense of her desperation, just by how she looked and acted. Her introspection takes you from that moment of despair to the present, as she feels gratitude for the return of her baby and resolve to never let anything happen to her again. She'll forget about the blood she saw, she'll not ask any questions. The only thing that matters is that Beth is safe.

As for the 'My Beth', that was totally unplanned. The words were something a mother would naturally say about her child. As soon as I wrote them, though, I thought 'wow'!

The rocking motion was initially to soothe Beth, but ultimately, it soothes them both. As Beth's mother remembers the moment of her despair, the rocking ceases, then resumes as she remembers how she didn't succumb to it.

wow, darkstar. I have a feeling I'm about to say something controversial... maybe it was all the creaking, but I actually felt a little chilled by this. this was a portrayal of how at it's core motherhood is a totally fierce and ruthless condition. Of course Beth's mother would lie through her teeth if questioned about the method of Beth's return. I don't doubt that if able and under different circumstances, she would have 'taken care' of Beth's kidnapper herself too. In thinking about it, I definitely feel that it was the creak, creak, creaking that has given me the creeps. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but for me I felt that was the sound of Beth's mother's sanity stretching to breaking point under the strain. Powerful stuff indeed.

Luxe de Luxe wrote:wow, darkstar. I have a feeling I'm about to say something controversial... maybe it was all the creaking, but I actually felt a little chilled by this. this was a portrayal of how at it's core motherhood is a totally fierce and ruthless condition. Of course Beth's mother would lie through her teeth if questioned about the method of Beth's return. I don't doubt that if able and under different circumstances, she would have 'taken care' of Beth's kidnapper herself too. In thinking about it, I definitely feel that it was the creak, creak, creaking that has given me the creeps. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but for me I felt that was the sound of Beth's mother's sanity stretching to breaking point under the strain. Powerful stuff indeed.

Thanks, Luxe, I like your read of the creaking.....the woman has been through hell and back over the last three days with little if any sleep and driven by fear and adrenaline. The breaking point couldn't have been too far away, and had Beth not been returned to her, she might have reached it.

This is just gorgeously written -- and incredibly emotional. Interesting how that creaking of the rocker worked for me ... I actually found it a bit chilling too near the first, when Beth's mother is remembering what it was like when she was gone, when everyone around her was thinking she'll never be found ... which is exactly what they'd think ...... but then, it seemed comforting when she was concentrating on Beth being there, here and now. Somehow that sound just accentuated the emotions of the moment ....

And I really liked how aware she was of Mick, how she picked up on the pain he must have gone through to get Beth back. It fits perfectly - even though most of her attention would be on her child, she would have to care tremendously about the man who saved her.

Beautiful story DSR ... and very real ...
And this sentence deeply appeals to my heart :

Maybe it’s wrong, my child, but as long as you're safely back in my arms, I don’t care where the blood came from. I know that someone was hurt tonight or perhaps worse, but God forgive me, I just don’t care. Whatever story Mick gives to the police tomorrow, I’ll go along with. Silence is a price I'm more than willing to pay

Thank you


(and back to : )

Shadow wrote:This is just gorgeously written -- and incredibly emotional. Interesting how that creaking of the rocker worked for me ... I actually found it a bit chilling too near the first, when Beth's mother is remembering what it was like when she was gone, when everyone around her was thinking she'll never be found ... which is exactly what they'd think ...... but then, it seemed comforting when she was concentrating on Beth being there, here and now. Somehow that sound just accentuated the emotions of the moment ....

And I really liked how aware she was of Mick, how she picked up on the pain he must have gone through to get Beth back. It fits perfectly - even though most of her attention would be on her child, she would have to care tremendously about the man who saved her.

Thanks, Shadow

Trying to figure out how to convey the motion / sound of the rocking chair was something I struggled with, but felt was key to conveying the emotional state of Beth's mother. She's still coming down from an adrenaline high and the motion of the rocker matches her own emotions. At first, it's a comforting pace as she holds her child in her arms. Then, as she recalls Beth's being takenand feeling despair fearing Beth would never be returned, the rocking speeds up, then stops. As it begins to sink in that Beth is safe again, the rocking resumes the comforting rhythm.

As for Mick, she must have had a thousand questions, but seeing his condition and sensing his pain, she can only do as he wordlessly asked 'Trust me.' She did.

Albra wrote:Beautiful story DSR ... and very real ...
And this sentence deeply appeals to my heart :

Maybe it’s wrong, my child, but as long as you're safely back in my arms, I don’t care where the blood came from. I know that someone was hurt tonight or perhaps worse, but God forgive me, I just don’t care. Whatever story Mick gives to the police tomorrow, I’ll go along with. Silence is a price I'm more than willing to pay

Thank you


(and back to : )

Thanks, Albra

I'm glad that you enjoyed it....a mother's love for her child and her need to protect that child will make her capable of doing anything for that child.

Yeah, chores for me as well (along with wrapping gifts and getting ready for Christmas )

This fits perfectly into my idea of the Beth/Mom/Mick trio at that particular time. Her mother had been desperate for her return. The outpour of emotion when she got her safely back must have been immense. And there must have been more than a fleating thought of Mick and how he managed to get her back.

No, I believe Mrs. Turner would have given it a lot of thought and she would have been willing to do whatever Mick needed her to. The blood was proof that Mick did whatever he needed. They were cohorts of a sort. There was somewhat of a bond between them now. A bond forged by a young Beth and the need to keep her safe.

Also, I liked the implication of the motion of the chair setting a rhythm. It felt very real.

GuardianAngel wrote:This fits perfectly into my idea of the Beth/Mom/Mick trio at that particular time. Her mother had been desperate for her return. The outpour of emotion when she got her safely back must have been immense. And there must have been more than a fleating thought of Mick and how he managed to get her back.

No, I believe Mrs. Turner would have given it a lot of thought and she would have been willing to do whatever Mick needed her to. The blood was proof that Mick did whatever he needed. They were cohorts of a sort. There was somewhat of a bond between them now. A bond forged by a young Beth and the need to keep her safe.

Also, I liked the implication of the motion of the chair setting a rhythm. It felt very real.

Thanks, GA Beth's mother finds this quiet time to examine all that had happened during the tumult of the previous few days. She's not only reconnecting with her child, but she's also justifying what she knows she's going to do when the police starting asking questions about how her little girl was found. She has no sympathy for someone who would take her child from her, so blood or no blood, whatever the PI says, she'll go along with.

The rocking chair motion was tough to convey, but I really felt it was important to the story. Glad you liked it

Karen

This is so stunning. You have captured beautifully the desperation, terror and anguish of Beth's mother when her child was taken. The counterpoint of the tumble of fearful thoughts with the creak...creak...creak of a rocking chair is quite powerful.

When Mick brings Beth back, she sees the evidence of a bloody battle, but doesn't ask questions. The don't matter to her. She has her baby back.

Brava!

jen wrote:Karen

This is so stunning. You have captured beautifully the desperation, terror and anguish of Beth's mother when her child was taken. The counterpoint of the tumble of fearful thoughts with the creak...creak...creak of a rocking chair is quite powerful.

When Mick brings Beth back, she sees the evidence of a bloody battle, but doesn't ask questions. The don't matter to her. She has her baby back.

Brava!

thanks, jen The motion of the rocking chair was meant to be soothing to both mother and child. How many times has a parent rocked a restless or ill child just to make them feel better again? The sound reflected was something Beth's mom was totally unconscious of, but I used it to convey the speed that she was rocking (faster as she got agitated, or slowly as she calmed down again, stopping at one point when she speaks of desperation).

And you're right....her baby has been returned to her and that's all that matters.

Moonlighter wrote:Hey DSR -- just popping in by way of the Champagne Challenges.

This was beautifully done, DSR. I don't have kids, but I'd recognize that fierce love of a mother anywhere. Mrs. Turner didn't care what Mick had to do to get her baby back, she just knew she had her baby back. And I felt the rocking was comforting -- maybe because that's what I do to find comfort myself. I thought that worked well.

thanks, Moonlighter, always glad to see you stop by.....a mother's love can be gentle, but it can also be fierce, when needs be. Mrs. Turner knows that she has sold a bit of her soul with the safe return of her daughter, but it didn't matter. As long as her baby was back, nothing else mattered. As for the rocking, I'm glad that came across well. I was trying to convey her various emotions with the motion of her rocking.

This is outstanding, dsr.

The tempo of the creaks followed by the stream of thoughts from Beth's mother was wonderfully done. An excellent insight to the fear, relief, confusion felt by her after Beth was returned. She asks no questions as she doesn't have to. She has what she wanted back after almost losing hope. Very well done.

coco wrote:This is outstanding, dsr.

The tempo of the creaks followed by the stream of thoughts from Beth's mother was wonderfully done. An excellent insight to the fear, relief, confusion felt by her after Beth was returned. She asks no questions as she doesn't have to. She has what she wanted back after almost losing hope. Very well done.

Thanks so much, coco The creaking and her thoughts were indeed in sync, pausing as she contemplates the unthinkable - that Beth isn't going to be found. When her baby is returned to her, all she can do is hold her close and rock, perhaps more for her own comfort than her sleeping child's. She knows deep down that something awful happened, something she should care about, but as long as Beth is safe in her arms, she doesn't.