The End of Dreams (one-shot, M, J, darkfic, PG-13)

[seamus3333]

How many of us assume we have more time! You grab us by the neck and shove us into reality. You make me remember the hundreds of husbands, wives, lovers and parents whose loved ones were murdered this month alone, making headline news. Deranged shooters mowing down ex-wives, entire families, ex-coworkers; a little girl's body stuffed in a suitcase.....How many dreams ended? I don't want to think of this. There are times when you are too powerful a writer, bursting my bubble of inane trivialities. Keep it up!

[redwinter101]

seamus, I think we all have to assume we have more time, or else we'd go insane. Multiply that by infinity and it's easy to see how simple it would be for an immortal to fall into the trap of thinking he has forever. And then the devastation of realising it's all gone and there is no more time. How shocking that must be.

Like most people, I, too, spend most of my time wrapped up in my own little bubble of inane triviality - sometimes it's quite nice in there, but sometimes, it's good to step out for a moment too.

Thanks for your continued reading - you know, I hope, how much I appreciate it.

Red

[allegrita]

Red, what a lovely, tragic, and yet somehow hopeful story. I, too, wondered at first it it might be about Mick and Josef in the period right after he thought he'd killed Coraline... and then when Josef mentioned Beth, I wondered if somehow Mick had botched a turning and Beth was stuck in a limbo similar to Sarah's, or...?

But it turned out to be the kind of loss that all of us face, at least those of us lucky enough to have found that kind of incredible love. Mick has lost his Beth to death. The light of his life has been snuffed out, and he simply cannot face it.

What do you do when the "you make me want to" in your life is no longer there? How do you go on living after that kind of loss? I agree that Mick wouldn't ever seriously consider the act of suicide, but he could wish for death, and maybe allow himself to fade past saving, without the intervention of a friend like Josef.

Of all the downsides to vampirism that Mick was trying to explain to Beth at the end of B.C., I imagine that watching your loved ones die is the hardest of all to bear.

Poor Mick. I'm so glad he has Josef at his back. That kind of friendship is beyond price.

I remember watching a story several years ago on the news magazine show 20/20, when Hugh Downs was about to retire as the host. He did a segment on scientific studies of people who live to be extremely old. According to the show, the one thing that extremely old people have in common is the ability to withstand loss without falling apart. Mick's built-in tendency to dwell on the regrets in his life makes him less resilient to loss by his very nature. This is a real risk for his long-term survival, or maybe for his sanity. It has always struck me that Josef's temperament makes him much more resilient in the face of personal loss than Mick. Maybe that is the greatest gift he can give Mick--help in learning how to be immortal without going insane.

That's why I said this story is somehow hopeful. Maybe Beth's death will be Mick's turning point, when he either makes it as a vampire, or doesn't. If he makes it, I think his coping strategy might be to never again allow himself to get really close to a human. I loved Josef's line in NSTAV about Mick's fascination with the mortal ones who listen to the tick-tick-tick of their own looming demise. I can't see Mick giving up his relationship with humans entirely, but maybe it will become more like a doctor's professional caring for his patients. It'll be better for his mental health, but something will be irrevocably changed in Mick if he does make that switch. Another loss in an eternity of losses for him to cope with.

Thank you for a wonderful, sad, and thought-provoking story, Red.

[darkstarrising]

An intimate look into pain we all face, but just not as often as those who live forever...

But as the days passed, he had retreated, pushed away all save Josef, his seclusion more absolute, more definite. He was drifting, neglectful, no longer feeding, not resting unless forced.

But today would be different. Today was the day it stopped. Guillermo had offered to help, and Josef could probably have used his expertise, but Mick's devastation and Josef's concern made them both vulnerable; and vulnerability was private.

Josef is his rock, his refuge. Only he can understand and help....but your acknowledgment of Josef's own vulnerability speaks to how deep the love he has for Mick is. When Mick hurts, so does Josef. If Mick were to die, Josef would be alone.

Cuffs shot, throat cleared, neck crunched, he was ready.

I can see Josef going through these little habits as if getting ready to face a boardroom full of corporate competitors, but what he is about to face is so much worse.

Josef pushes Mick a bit, trying to get some, any reaction out of him. Saying Beth's name was a dangerous catalyst, but one that got the desired effect.

Josef had crouched, meeting Mick eye to eye. It made him an easy target.

He allows the pent up anger and despair to be spent, without harm to the one he has come to help. Beyond the physical assistance he renders, Josef offers something equally as precious - his time and his understanding

The sounds of day gave way to the quiet of nightfall. Tears of dew formed across the manicured lawns; a chill in the air drew a shiver. In the distance, the faint hum of the city faded. Minutes stretched to hours. Still Mick stood and Josef watched.

The ending is perfect. Josef the friend, supporting Mick as he finally deals with his loss, yet still with just a bit of arch that only Josef can pull off. He knows that Mick can handle only so much at this point, the rest will come in time.

"Four hundred years you've lived - and loved, in spite of what you tell everyone. When you lose everything, what do you do?"

Josef stifled a gasp. He daren't tell the truth, now now, not yet. He would leave Mick to find out for himself that every loss chipped away a piece of your soul, a piece that could never be replaced. "You keep going, Mick. You start all over again. You do whatever you have to, but you survive. I wish there were a magic answer, but there isn't."

"How do you start all over again, when all your dreams have died?"

Josef stood, pulling Mick to his feet, brushing him down. He took Mick's face in his hands, and with a sad, knowing smile, said, "I thought you understood by now, Mick. Vampires don't dream."

Sigh... what a touching, sad story of love lost and the long journey back from despair. A journey eased by the love of another.

thank you so much for this, Red.

[wpgrace]

Oh! Allegrita... a sage for the ages, honey! Totally enjoyed your post! I know this isn't my thread ( again Red...)... but your comment was so lovely!

[Fleur de Lisa]

Seconding grace's comment about alle's comment!

Wonderful how brilliant writing brings out the brilliance in all of us.

[tucutecats]

"I thought you understood by now, Mick. Vampires don't dream." The ending just blew me away. Nothing and no one could ever sever the bond Joseph and Mick have. They will always be there for each other. Mick will eventually heal because he has Joseph at his side. Truly two of the best characters ever written.

[redwinter101]

alle, you're making me blush. Again. And cry just a little. What an amazing comment. I agree with you about Mick and Josef. Mick's struggles are all internal - a conglomeration of personality and experience that has left him so wounded, so unable to just be. Beth's death is more than loss of life and love for him - it is the end of hope, and, I think, another reason for him to see himself as cursed. Compared with Josef whose pragmatism doesn't mean he's unfeeling - he's just found a way to deal.

Maybe that is the greatest gift he can give Mick--help in learning how to be immortal without going insane.

That's so perfect. Although I hate to think what "survivor Mick" would be like - because he would be so very different from the Mick we have seen and loved.

dsr, another beautiful comment. Boy am I blessed with you guys or what? I think that Josef's love for Mick sings out through almost every scene they share (and vice versa, even when they are fighting) without ever being sentimental. The ultimate pragmatist, Josef does what needs to be done - for both their sakes.

Grace and Lisa, love you!!

tucutecats, oh I agree. We were given such a gift with these wonderful characters. Such a great gift. Thanks so much for stopping by to read.

Red

[janicevictoria]

Oh Red, you were right, that was a tough one to read....heart wrenching in fact, especially the Vampires don't dream bit...

[redwinter101]

Sorry, jv - I guess I was just in that kind of mood. But I do think there is always something hopeful about Mick and Josef. Always.

Red

[starbucksjunkie]

Oh red,

I finally got up the courage to read this. You grabbed my heart and yanked it from my chest.

As always, your prose is delicate and stunning. And what a beautiful look at the relationship between Josef and Mick.

Josef finally saw an opening and he wasn't going to waste it. "Beth? Why shouldn't I say her name?" Mick's arms flailed, a flash of bared fang. "Beth, Mick. Beth."

Josef knows just how to push and why. In a way that's totally Josef.

With disappointment he realised he hadn't quite given up on life yet, no matter how much he wanted to.

The most truthful and stunning line here.

"That's not true, Mick. You couldn't save her. No-one could. She knew that and she was at peace. Her last thoughts were of you. She knew what was happening and she didn't care that you weren't with her - she said that she could feel you and that was all that mattered."

And this is the most heartbreaking thing here. Whatever happened to Beth, Mick couldn't bring himself to watch her die. How very--human.

"Four hundred years you've lived - and loved, in spite of what you tell everyone. When you lose everything, what do you do?"

The idea of Mick starting over with her. That makes my heart ache.

Beautiful, red. Just beautiful.

[redwinter101]

sbj, Mick and Josef, probably more than any other relationship in the show, just squeeze my heart. They have the depth and complexity of longstanding, of knowledge and knowing - and of the isolation caused by their intrinsic difference from the rest of society. When push comes to shove, they will have each other. Always.

Thank you for reading and the lovely comment.

Red

[cassysj]

. In the immediate aftermath, Mick had continued to function. On some level his body sustained him. He fed, he slept, he took care of the basics, filling the rest of his hours with uncaring monotony. But as the days passed, he had retreated, pushed away all save Josef, his seclusion more absolute, more definite. He was drifting, neglectful, no longer feeding, not resting unless forced.

This part really touched me because it's so true. In the beginning you are on autopilot. There are things that need to be done and your mind is still fighting the reality. Once it sets in the true grieving starts.

He moved, drawing Mick with him; if he wanted to stay, he would need to fight. But he had no fight left.

Also very true in the days and weeks after a loss. You don't have the strength or the will to fight about things. You're too drained.


It's also interesting that we don't know how long or short a time they had together. Nothing less than eternity would be long enough for Mick.

Vampires don't dream. Oh Josef. Try to teach Mick that lesson because you haven't learned it yourself.

[redwinter101]

Thanks, Carol. It's really hard to write about grief because it's such a different, personal experience for everyone. Trying to write Mick's grief in a way that rings true for him and also makes sense in a wider context or compares to a reader's experience was a real challenge and I'm touched that you thought there was a realism here.

And as for this,

Vampires don't dream. Oh Josef. Try to teach Mick that lesson because you haven't learned it yourself.

I agree. World-weary Josef hasn't quite learned that lesson yet. He think he has - but no.

Red

[AussieJo]

Red, this was beautifully written. The pain was so real, as well as the love.
I loved Josef, grief stricken himself, reaching out to his dear friend.
Showering, shaving, dressing Mick.
All with so much love.
That's for you my dear. Gorgeous.

Red, there is a part of me that would really like to read about a post Beth "survivor" Mick.
How he reinvents himself. What kind of Vampire he is after he has gone over his "normal human lifespan" years.
Just putting it out there, if anyone's interested!