Hum (PG)

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kalua
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Re: Hum (PG)

Post by kalua »

This is a beautiful piece, you're such a talented writer! :clapping:

As others said, you got everything that's Mick in just a few, powerful sentences. Among many, the line that struck me was

"They generated heat but no warmth"

This is the essence of Mick/Cora, a burning passion but lacking the lasting warmth of love, and the warmth of humanity that he has found in Beth,
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redwinter101
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Re: Hum (PG)

Post by redwinter101 »

Kelly, there is nothing better than "beautiful". I really appreciate the read and the comment. :rose:

kalua, thanks so much! And I love that you picked out that particular line (see author's note at the beginning) because Grace wrote it.

Oi, GRACE - see. You can write one of "those" sentences. :biggrin: :biggrin: Toldja, toldja, toldja.

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Re: Hum (PG)

Post by wpgrace »

redwinter101 wrote:Kelly, there is nothing better than "beautiful". I really appreciate the read and the comment. :rose:

kalua, thanks so much! And I love that you picked out that particular line (see author's note at the beginning) because Grace wrote it.

Oi, GRACE - see. You can write one of "those" sentences. :biggrin: :biggrin: Toldja, toldja, toldja.

Red

OK! OK! So one out of every thousand or so that I write is a keeper. That does not a fanfic make... but fortunately I know this writer-chick who knows what to do with em when she sees em...

And kalua... :smooch: Surprise!
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redwinter101
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Re: Hum (PG)

Post by redwinter101 »

wpgrace wrote:OK! OK! So one out of every thousand or so that I write is a keeper.
They're all keepers, honey. Every single last one.

Red :heart:
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Luxe de Luxe
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Re: Hum (PG)

Post by Luxe de Luxe »

Amazing, Red. I could actually 'see' the delight and awe on young Mick's face and all the hair on his head stand on end when he played with the socket. Wonderful.. wonderful. And as always, a truly apt and poetic title. How do you do it?!
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Re: Hum (PG)

Post by redwinter101 »

Thanks, Luxe. :smooch: Re story titles, I do try to find the most simple way of telling people what the story is about. Sometimes it works. :biggrin:

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Re: Hum (PG)

Post by coco »

Red, I utterly adore this but unfortunately time is not my friend at the moment and I want to write at length how much I enjoyed this so I will be back when I have the time to sit and comment properly.

Until then..... fabulous, as always. :notworthy:

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Re: Hum (PG)

Post by Albra »

:reading:
As always it took me a while to fully absorb your words. I want to be sure that nothing was missed and everything understood ...
I just love the way you "juggle" :juggle: with words, I love your accuracy with creating filigree structures of sentences ...
As ever your writing is real and huge challenge for me - and it's worth time I spent with ... :heart:

Thank you, Red
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Re: Hum (PG)

Post by redwinter101 »

coco, I'm so happy you squished in time to read - and I look forward to you coming back. :smooch: :smooch:

Albra, I'm touched. Seriously - that you take so much time and care to read my stories, well, it's just lovely. I'm keeping you. :smooch:

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Re: Hum (PG)

Post by coco »

So I finally got home after a long day and settled in for the reply I so wish I'd had time to leave yesterday. :ysmile:

There are so many things to adore about this but the first thing I wanted to mention was your title. It suits this piece so incredibly well. The imagery that one word creates that is then so beautifully backed up by the words. It is definitely a piece that hums...... sings. :flowers:

What a way to open. A few perfectly chosen words that are so sensual and intimate and all together perfect in setting the scene for the story.
His lips pressed to the small of her back, the briefest intimacy his greatest gift, the freedom to touch her. As he crept lower, his hum thrummed through them, a lick, a stroke, a taste, filled with the crackle of life.
I again adore that we get this image of Mick mapping Beth's body. Feeling her, memorising her, taking pleasure from her, the momentum of them building. I love how you do that. :flowers:
He continued his journey, tracking across Beth's body, feeling her energy, stronger here, between them, than he had ever thought possible.
This is just so incredibly poignant.
Another vivid memory surged, the first time he'd held a solid-body Gibson. The intensity of the rich, warm vibration, every note felt rather than heard, flowing through him, almost powerful enough to displace the lingering drone of battle and the memory of Lilah's lost embrace.
This sentence just speaks to me. In volumes. It has always been amazing to me how music can bring you back and give you a sense of purpose when everything else around you just isn't working.
In music he'd found a way to reconnect, to remember his wonder and awe at life's possibility.
This sentence makes me sad. For all the things he wanted to have with Coraline, he never really got the one thing he wanted. Such a shame.
Coraline, her own force of nature, and he was swept away in her. The promise of a future bursting with life suddenly rendered inert, earth where all around was live.
Kudos to Grace for an awesome, awesome line and a perfect description of these two lovers. :flowers:
There was always spark between them, a dark crackle, restless, impatient energy but it was the pulse of death, their bright, brittle light serving only to cast deeper shadow. They generated heat but no warmth, his dark existence pushing him further from the brink of life.
I'm such a fan of the way you make the images come alive in my head. I always feel like I am right there in the moment, watching when I kind of feel like I shouldn't be. :laugh: Such a vivid image of Mick here. I can sense the hum.
Countless nights of wandering, feeling the hum of life at one remove, sequestered behind walls of brick and skin. He could touch but not feel, his dead, jealous core railing against the uncaring normality of the rest of the world.
So very sad. Religion is such a huge part of Mick and for him to feel this way is just so heartbreaking. :sadface:
He'd revered God's beauty; God, fate, whatever, had turned his back on Mick St. John.
You know my big old shipper heart just loves this section. :heart:
Until Beth. Lying here, together, safe, alone, the memories of their first meeting still clutched at him. There had been others, each rescue, each saved soul adding a tiny building block of self-respect, feeding his resolve to go on.
I keep thinking I'm repeating myself because I always want to use the words beautiful or adore but beautiful is how I feel about this. I adore that Beth gave him that hope and will to go forward. Yay! ;)
But for her he rediscovered the battered remnants of humanity; for her he trapped himself between two worlds; for her he tried to be enough.
I love this because it is so very Mick. He acknowledges what Coraline was to him. Whatever anyone thinks, he loved her and she had a place in his life and he does mourn the fact that things didn't work out differently.
With humanity had come a new imperative. Made painfully aware of his limitations, his inability to save Coraline was a constant ache, even now.
In every one of your stories I read, I look forward to the moment that makes the smile on my face grow bigger. Here it is :biggrin: :
Finally he could lay down his burden because she loved him back.
As much as I love the lines you have ended the story with, it is the image this sentence creates for me that is still with me after reading:
She turned, a soft caress to his cheek, feeling his smile curve against her palm.
Such a contented, settled, happy Mick and that makes me smile. :flowers:

I may never be as eloquent as some of the others when leaving feedback as I get a little lost sometimes in my excitement and I do tend to repeat myself but I just love this. Everything about it from title to the lasting images "Hum" has created. :flowers:

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redwinter101
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Re: Hum (PG)

Post by redwinter101 »

:smooch: :smooch: for coco (one for each cheek - how very French :snicker: ). Thank you so much for coming back and for leaving such a beautiful comment, which I adore. So feel free to use beautiful and adore as much as you like, you'll hear no complaints from me.

I have to echo your love for Grace's line - I've been wanting to use it for ages and finally found the perfect place for it.

And as for eloquence, oh, honey, you do just fine. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Red :flowers: :flowers:
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Re: Hum (PG)

Post by helloeeze »

This is so beautiful. The words you use bring such imagery to my crusty old brain. I love seeing Mick reviewing his life and coming to the place he is now. Your story makes me feel Mick's love for Beth as a safe, warm place. Wonderful.
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Re: Hum (PG)

Post by mitzie »

Gorgeous, simply gorgeous!!!! I love Grace's line, it's beautiful!!!! You captured Mick from where he had been to where he is now wonderfully. This story truly did "Hum" with all the emotions of his life. I love it to pieces!!!! :yahoo: :yahoo: :hyper2: :hyper2: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :thud: :cloud9: :rainbow: :wings: :serenity: :hyper2: :hyper2: :hyper2: :thud: :yahoo: :yahoo: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :thud: :thud: :thud: :thud: :notworthy: :worship: :heart: :hearts: :rose: :flowers:


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redwinter101
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Re: Hum (PG)

Post by redwinter101 »

helloeeze, LOL - one crusty old brain to another. ;)

mitzie, thank you, sweetie. :flowers:

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Re: Hum (PG)

Post by PNWgal »

I'm massively behind on my feedback... :blushing:

This was such a lovely piece, lush and descriptive. It hummed (pardon the pun) with its own intensity, its own power. It ebbs and flows with Mick's gains and his losses...and his ultimate triumph of his love for Beth.
Thunderstorms heralded trips to the beach to watch lightning stab the frothing ocean, a primal battle for supremacy, while a young man stood, arms outstretched, soaked to the skin, careless of danger, lost in nature's spectacle.
I pulled this one out because I don't think there's anyone that loves a thunderstorm at the ocean more than me. The sheer raw power of the lightning, the thrashing of the water, a person just a small speck in the whole scheme of things. I could totally see Mick doing this.

What he loses in war, he gains in music...
In music he'd found a way to reconnect, to remember his wonder and awe at life's possibility.
The whole piece is summed up nicely here:
Beth was his link to life and saving her was all that mattered. In her he had found his place in the world; he loved her and nothing else mattered.
Just such a wonderful read - anything that makes me smile and sigh happily is a winner in my book. :smooch:
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