1. No Such Thing as Vampire Experts - PG13
Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 3:27 pm
This is the first in a series of sixteen dialogues between Mick and Josef. Before you begin, please read the Author's Note here: http://moonlightaholics.com/viewtopic.php?f=865&t=9996 
Disclaimer: I do not own Moonlight or any of its characters. Occasionally one or two of them speak to me and I take dictation. No disrespect or copyright infringement is ever intended.
Rating: PG13.
1. No Such Thing as Vampire Experts
“Where've you been? This place is like a morgue. Oh wait – it matches the cuisine.”
“I told you – if you don't like it, you don't have to drink it. Or you could bring your own.”
“I could. And I did. Think of it as a 'chalice warming' gift.”
“You brought a chalice?”
“Souvenir.”
“I don't want to know.”
“You don't like it?”
“You shouldn't have. Really.”
“So? What took you so long?”
“I had to tie up some loose ends.”
“You tied her up? I'm impressed. Maybe there is hope for you.”
“Josef.”
“What? That's what I'd do...”
“Mmmhmm.”
“So, your loose end – the reporter – you gonna see her again?”
“I don't know. Why?”
“Why? You really need to ask me that?”
“No. I don’t know. I'll watch her. I mean, her show. I'll watch her show.”
“Mmm. Right. So, you're not interested in this girl?”
“Of course not.”
“Of course not.”
“What?”
“She's trouble, Mick. Nosy. Perky. I hate perky.”
“She's not – perky.”
“What would you call her, then?”
“She's smart, inquisitive... a little impulsive.”
“Impulsive. Beautiful. Impulsive humans and vampires do not play well together, my friend. You don't see a problem with this?”
“Joz'f – you’ve got humans around you all the time.”
“True... but mine are house-broken. This Turner girl – she's trouble. She's not going to play by the rules.”
“I've got it covered.”
“Why am I not convinced?”
“You can trust me.”
“It's not you I'm worried about... Drink?”
“No, thanks.”
“Hmm... And the slutty professor – what happens with him?”
“Ellis? Well, he took a pretty nasty blow to the head. Campus security found him unconscious in the basement of West Hall. When he came to, he was incoherent – mumbling something about bugs and vampires... a student who wasn’t really a student. He couldn't even remember where he lived.”
“A positive for the Mrs., at least...”
“Look, the police think the 'real' killer tried to silence him. Don't worry – he won't be saying anything. At least not anything that makes sense.”
“You should have wasted him. Just on principle. He gives vampires everywhere a bad name. Did you see his hair?”
“His hair? Really? That's all you – ”
“I'm thinking he should join Dr. Sambala for an impromptu field study in Micronesia.”
“Who?”
“That guy from the news – the 'vampire expert.' Turns out they don't exist.”
“Who? Vampires?”
“No. Experts. There's no such thing. Anymore.”
“Present company excepted.”
“Naturally.... And the guy who did the killing?”
“Dead.”
“Finally. Someone gets offed.”
“You're welcome.”
“What's this?”
“My bill. You hired me to look into it, remember?”
“I hired you to end it. And it took you long enough. What'd you do – charge me by the missed opportunity?”
“Usual terms.”
“Damn. You ever hear of professional courtesy?”
“I gave you the senior citizen discount.”
“Very funny. Where's the scotch? I'm gonna need a bigger chalice...”
Disclaimer: I do not own Moonlight or any of its characters. Occasionally one or two of them speak to me and I take dictation. No disrespect or copyright infringement is ever intended.
Rating: PG13.
1. No Such Thing as Vampire Experts
“Where've you been? This place is like a morgue. Oh wait – it matches the cuisine.”
“I told you – if you don't like it, you don't have to drink it. Or you could bring your own.”
“I could. And I did. Think of it as a 'chalice warming' gift.”
“You brought a chalice?”
“Souvenir.”
“I don't want to know.”
“You don't like it?”
“You shouldn't have. Really.”
“So? What took you so long?”
“I had to tie up some loose ends.”
“You tied her up? I'm impressed. Maybe there is hope for you.”
“Josef.”
“What? That's what I'd do...”
“Mmmhmm.”
“So, your loose end – the reporter – you gonna see her again?”
“I don't know. Why?”
“Why? You really need to ask me that?”
“No. I don’t know. I'll watch her. I mean, her show. I'll watch her show.”
“Mmm. Right. So, you're not interested in this girl?”
“Of course not.”
“Of course not.”
“What?”
“She's trouble, Mick. Nosy. Perky. I hate perky.”
“She's not – perky.”
“What would you call her, then?”
“She's smart, inquisitive... a little impulsive.”
“Impulsive. Beautiful. Impulsive humans and vampires do not play well together, my friend. You don't see a problem with this?”
“Joz'f – you’ve got humans around you all the time.”
“True... but mine are house-broken. This Turner girl – she's trouble. She's not going to play by the rules.”
“I've got it covered.”
“Why am I not convinced?”
“You can trust me.”
“It's not you I'm worried about... Drink?”
“No, thanks.”
“Hmm... And the slutty professor – what happens with him?”
“Ellis? Well, he took a pretty nasty blow to the head. Campus security found him unconscious in the basement of West Hall. When he came to, he was incoherent – mumbling something about bugs and vampires... a student who wasn’t really a student. He couldn't even remember where he lived.”
“A positive for the Mrs., at least...”
“Look, the police think the 'real' killer tried to silence him. Don't worry – he won't be saying anything. At least not anything that makes sense.”
“You should have wasted him. Just on principle. He gives vampires everywhere a bad name. Did you see his hair?”
“His hair? Really? That's all you – ”
“I'm thinking he should join Dr. Sambala for an impromptu field study in Micronesia.”
“Who?”
“That guy from the news – the 'vampire expert.' Turns out they don't exist.”
“Who? Vampires?”
“No. Experts. There's no such thing. Anymore.”
“Present company excepted.”
“Naturally.... And the guy who did the killing?”
“Dead.”
“Finally. Someone gets offed.”
“You're welcome.”
“What's this?”
“My bill. You hired me to look into it, remember?”
“I hired you to end it. And it took you long enough. What'd you do – charge me by the missed opportunity?”
“Usual terms.”
“Damn. You ever hear of professional courtesy?”
“I gave you the senior citizen discount.”
“Very funny. Where's the scotch? I'm gonna need a bigger chalice...”
Thanks, eris!
New work from Lilly!
