Limbo (one-shot, Mick, PG-13)

[redwinter101]

Very weird...but in a good way. Staked and just left there. Hey how did he get out?

Thanks, I think

Maybe he didn't ....

Red

[jen]

Aaaarrruuuuugggggghhhhh!

Red, pleeeeeeeese!!! Your story was lovely (of course, you wrote it and you are the best!!!!), but give us a break here!!!!!!

Pretty please!!!!!!!!!

[redwinter101]

Sorry, jen. I don't know what else to say. There is no more story here.

Red

[Phoenix]

Red, that is absolutely stunning. Harrowing. Perfect in the way it leaves so many questions unanswered. It's the kind of story that haunts the mind years after it was read...

[librarian_7]

Just running through this one again. What a perfect multi-layered evocation of everything that is wrong with poor Mick.

Much as I'd love to see what led to this...and what (hopefully!) leads away, I think as it stands it's masterful.

Lucky

[redwinter101]

Phoenix, Lucky, thank you, my friends.

Red

[allegrita]

Red, I told you elsewhere that this story is quintessentially existentialist, and I want to repeat it here... this is a little jewel of torment. Poor Mick, perpetually aware, screaming silently, truly stuck in Hell. I agree with Luxe--the images in this story are enough to wake you up in a cold sweat--and that is the power of the story. Its isolation is part of its power. There is no before and no after--there is only now. An endless, awful now, stretching out...maybe till the building gets knocked down... *shudder*

Yeah, the dust... and then the fly. The little, tickling, inquisitive fly. EEEEEEEEEEE!

[redwinter101]

Thanks, alle. I loved the idea of something as simple as dust, and as insignificant as a fly, succeeding where so many failed - managing to overpower the vampire.

If it makes you feel better, you could always go with Luxe's Josef/GPS solution. Or you could just imagine Mick lying there forever...

Red

[jen]

OK OK.

I have finally given up on the sequel idea.

This is so intense. Chilling.

Thanks, Red

[redwinter101]

I knew I'd wear you down eventually, jen.

Thanks so much for coming back, even without a sequel.

Red

[francis]

This is well worth re-reading once in a while. It's kind of depressing, but also makes you appreciate being able to move.
I find myself wondering if this is what a coma patient feels.

Mick longed for tears

Well, this line always makes me choke. Poor Mick.

This is delicious in the way it's written, absolutely torment for Mick, reducing him to some eternally frozen piece of meat with a mind and soul trapped inside. And the way it has no beginning or end makes the eternity of torture just more palpable. Brava, lady!!!

[redwinter101]

Thanks so much for the re-read, francis. You've described perfectly the torment I imagined for Mick (in my twisted little brain).

Red

[allegrita]

It really is exquisite torture. I have to go with grace's idea... if nobody else rescues him, I'm gonna go in there and do it. That's the only way I can cope with this scenario...

It's a testament to you and your fabulous writing that I keep coming back to read this... over and over and over and over... because it's that good. And I'm really NOT a masochist, honest!

[redwinter101]

Well with Grace and alle riding to the rescue, I think Mick's in verrrrrrrry good hands.

Red

[wpgrace]

Well with Grace and alle riding to the rescue, I think Mick's in verrrrrrrry good hands.

Red

Yeah, well, he'll be fine, but Y'ALL will never see him again once we get our "good hands" on im... so Limbo, Grace and Alle's hideaway... either/or...

I can't believe this was your first. Were you just BORN knowing how to craft a tale AND how to bend the English language to your very clever will???
Cause this sucker is crafted. I can see him, I can see what he's seeing, I can smell what he's smelling, and hear what he's hearing. Which is SUCH an accomplishment right there... cos the environment and those heightened senses is about all he's got.

But even more... I can feel his creeping despair, periodically punctuated by a shred of hope or of logic trying to force it's way in... incredibly visceral. We are inside of him here.