Josef Needs A Vacation PG-13 Champagne Challenge #130

[cassysj]

I do not own any recognizable characters no copyright infringement is intended.


Mick drove up to Kostan Industries. He had gotten his annual phone call from Josef’s personal assistant.

As he stepped off the elevator he heard the ranting and raving.

‘Are you all really this incompetent? Please tell me it’s a contest to see who can get to La Brea the fastest. You’re all in the running. As a matter of fact it’s anyone’s game. You can all reach your final destination.

It must be Josef‘s weekly staff meeting. Mick could hear the humans heart rate quicken and could smell the fear on the two vampire interns.

Laura buzzed him. “Mr. St. John is here to see you.”

“Send him in Laura.”

Mick stepped in the office and Josef was still yelling.

“If you can’t tell me what happened to the missing supplies, you are all going to be relocated. You have two hours to find them.”

Humans and vampires fled from the office.

“Are those new executives?” Mick asked. “I don’t recognize any of them.”

“No, they work in shipping and supplies. Someone is stealing.

“Money? Computers? Files?”

“Paper clips and Laser paper.”

Mick sighed. “Josef, who would risk death by stealing paper clips and paper you can get at Staples?”

“That’s what I was trying to find out, but they were all terrified.”

“How much is missing?”

“I checked the inventory and 8 reams of paper and 4 boxes of paper clips could not be accounted for.”

“Didn’t you have an audit last week?”

Josef fiddled with his tie. Even he was a little nervous of the IRS “Yes. They found nothing out of place.”

“Of course but isn’t it possible that the auditor asked for some supplies?”

“4,000 pieces of paper and 400 paper clips? Isn’t that excessive even for the government?”

Mick glanced around the office. “Why do you have 4 reams of paper by your guest printer?”

“The home network was down and the main printer is being replaced at the mansion. The freshies had term papers.

“Aren’t those sent by email today?”

“Yes, but I like to read them before they submit them and I won’t have them clogging up the KI server.

Mick laughed “You want to make sure you get your money’s worth?

Josef glared. “Mick, I’m paying Hearst, UCLA and Occidental. These girls need an education. You can’t be in the vampire food service industry forever. Besides I always need lawyers, accountants and executives. They came here yesterday and printed them out. I read them and gave them notes.

“Were there any corrections?

“Are you going deaf? I gave them all notes and they were busy little worker bees. The papers had to be emailed between 10P and midnight.”

“Is it possible the freshies took the supplies?”

“Are you saying my girls stole paper and paper clips?”

“Of course not. Maybe they didn’t know they had to sign out supplies. You don’t count every piece of paper at home.

Josef realized that was the likely answer. He grumbled. “Mick, I have too much work to do, so if you could excuse me.”

“Josef, it’s that time of year again. You have to take a vacation.”

“No I don’t.” Josef snapped.

“You’re cranky and you threatened to kill people for less than a hundred bucks worth of merchandise.”

“Theft is theft.”

“Josef, for petty larceny you just cut off a hand, everybody knows that.”

“Is it that bad?” He asked softly.

“Go home and pack. Laura doesn’t want to see you for…

“Two weeks.” Laura yelled.

“Are you eavesdropping Laura?” Josef growled

Laura peeked in. “No. I’ve been monitoring the conversation in case you need security. You know I don’t like St. John. A two week break would be very good for you.”

“You don’t leave a billion dollar corporation to run itself.” Josef grumbled.

Laura folded her arms. “Of course not. Your Executive V.P. can handle everything and if she can’t she’ll call you on the cell.

“What if I don’t have cell service?”

Laura rolled her eyes. “I’ll get the satellite phone. You are so dramatic.”

“I hate vacation.” Josef grumbled.

“Why don’t you go to Hawaii?” Mick asked. “Beth has been dying to go.”

“I don’t feel like surfing and it’s too hot.”

“Then go to Pittsburgh.”

“What the hell is in Pittsburgh?”

Mick laughed “Three rivers. I don’t know. You just need to go, away from here before you kill someone.”

Josef transitioned. “Fine. Laura when they come back tell them I’ve been called out of town on an emergency.”

Laura smiled. “Can I tell you left me in charge to get the truth out of them?”

“No. If I’m miserable, you have to be miserable. Tell them I found the guilty party and they have been terminated.”

Mick smiled. “See your mood is improving already. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Josef came home and was greeted by his nine freshies.


Ladies, it’s that time of year again. Any suggestions on vacation spots?”

Summer smiled. “I like Vegas.”

“A desert in July? I don’t think so.”

His newest freshie chimed in. “What about Alaska?”

“The sun is up 22 hours a day. Are you trying to kill me?” Jennifer where did you go on your last vacation?

“The Bahamas.”

“Girls this is not helping.

“It’s winter in Australia.” Summer said trying to improve the Vegas suggestion.

“That’s true. I don’t know. I want someplace really cold. I’m going to hit the freezer and think about it.

Tangie his Head Freshie came up a few minutes later and knocked on the door. He had just undressed so he grabbed a robe.

“Tangie, is the house on fire?”

“No.”

“Then why are you disturbing my sleep?

“I have the perfect place for your vacation. Antarctica.”

He considered it for a minute. “That’s a great idea. How did you come up with that?”

“I saw this movie called Whiteout. It was about a homicidal maniac”

Josef laughed. “And you thought “Wow that reminds me of Josef.”

“Actually no, the killer looks like Mick but that is not the point. Antarctica should be as comfy for you as the Caribbean would be for us.


“Yes, but I’m not going to subject you girls to that climate.”

“We don’t mind.”

“I mind, frozen limbed freshies are not my idea of a good time.”

Tangie chewed her lip. “Well, we could all donate a pint of blood. I know you prefer it from the vein but…”

Josef interrupted her. “I have an idea. You girls are going to Rio for a few days while I cool off. Meet me in Chile on Friday and we’ll go someplace fabulous.”

“I’ve never been to South America before. How long do we have to pack?

“Five minutes.”

“Josef!

“I’m serious. As a matter of fact you only get one carry on bag to satisfy the nine of you. No clothes, I’m dying to see what you girls consider essentials

“One bag? Are bathing suits clothes?”

“Yes. No clothes, no underwear. You buy everything new when you arrive. Consider it an adventure.”

“That’s crazy. We can’t even get all our beauty products in one bag.”

“You have a point. That is unfair. You don’t get any luggage, problem solved, just the clothes on your back and your purses. Small purses, no disguised tote bags.”

Tangie tried one more negotiation. “Josef, our clothes will be gross after a long flight. Can’t we bring one change of clothes?”

He was enjoying his vacation now. “No. Once we’re on my plane you’ll all undress to bras and thongs. You’ll be very comfortable.”

Tangie blushed and Josef said. “Tangie, don’t tell me.”

“Yes, I’m wearing granny panties again.”

“I told you to burn them.”

“No you didn’t. You said you never wanted to see them again. I only wear them on days when I’m not on rotation. They are so comfy.

“You are 24 years old. This is not the age to be comfortable. I told you if I saw them again you were going commando for a week.”

Tangie smiled “That’s true but you haven’t seen them yet. Can I at least change?”

“Since you’re so honest I won’t embarrass you in front of the others. Go put on appropriate attire but I have a condition.”

“I’m listening.”

“While I’m playing in the snow. I want you to spend two hours a day at the nude beaches in Brazil. When I get back I want some color on that cute backside of yours.”

“You are so bad. What about the dangers of skin cancer?”

“I want you to use sunscreen just let yourself tan.”

“Sometimes I burn before I tan.

“That would be a good lesson for you on disobedience. Every time you sit you can think of how this all could have been avoided if you had listened to me in the first place.”

Tangie sighed. “All right. Thank you for letting me get changed before the trip.

Josef wanted her to come out of her shell a little.“You don’t have to go to the beach alone. I’ll suggest to everyone that they increase their Vitamin D intake and smooth out their tan lines. When I get back from Antarctica, I’ll see how much you girls enjoyed the beach. You however will remain bottomless for the rest of the trip.

Tangie blushed again.

“I told you the consequences. I don’t know why you want to hide. You’re a beautiful woman and you need to be more comfortable in your own skin.

“I’d be more comfortable in bikini briefs but I won’t argue. I accept your conditions.

He smiled. “It’s so cute that you think you have a choice in the matter. After such a liberating experience you may have a whole new attitude when we get back.

Tangie laughed. “Maybe. I’ll tell the girls to get ready.”

“Don’t you dare. Go to your room and I’ll summon everyone to the lounge in five minutes. We will leave immediately.”

“You were serious about the not packing?”

“Yes.”

“We need makeup, hair products, it’s not always easy to get the unscented ones you prefer.”

“There will be plenty of time for exploring in Rio. You’ll find what you need before we meet in Chile.

Tangie yelped. “Deodorant!”

“Tangie I was born before indoor plumbing. I can tolerate natural human for a few hours. If I were you I’d go to my room and change before I call everyone and then it will be too late.

Tangie flew downstairs and Josef smiled.

He loved vacations.

[Lucy]

hey, just the idea of heading below the equator and I'm thinking...."Don't Cry for Me Argentina"...

Great tie in to all the AOL sightings.....loved it as always....GREAT humor!

[allegrita]

Cassy, you are truly amazing. I don't know how you have time to do anything but write!

Loved the Alex sightings in this one... and oh man, pooooooor freshies, how will they stand having to go shopping in Rio? (But I'm glad Josef let Tangie change her undies before the trip.)

[PNWgal]

Carol, I'm having a perfectly crappy week, but this just made me grin from ear to ear.

Josef being grouchy over missing office supplies and Mick insisting it was time for a vacation had me smiling, but I laughed out loud when Josef was looking for suggestions.

His newest freshie chimed in. “What about Alaska?”

“The sun is up 22 hours a day. Are you trying to kill me?”

And this made me :

“I saw this movie called Whiteout. It was about a homicidal maniac”

Josef laughed. “And you thought “Wow that reminds me of Josef.”

“Actually no, the killer looks like Mick but that is not the point.

Cheered me right up!

[Lilly]

What a great way to start off this challenge!

Carol, I have to agree with what's already been said here: the humor in this is just wonderful. You have created some fabulous OCs over the years, but I have to tell you, Laura is one of my favorites -- someone who can really hold her own with the "old man." She's a force to be reckoned with.

I just love this...

“Go home and pack. Laura doesn’t want to see you for…

“Two weeks.” Laura yelled.

“Are you eavesdropping Laura?” Josef growled

Laura peeked in. “No. I’ve been monitoring the conversation in case you need security. You know I don’t like St. John. A two week break would be very good for you.”

And I have to admit, I have a soft spot in my heart for cranky Josef. (well, any Josef, really... but I digress) The back and forth between him and Mick here is fabulous. Nicely done!

[fairytoes]

What a great story! Exactly what I needed today! Thanks so much!

[nutmegger911]

Wow, Cassy, that was fast! How do you do these stories so quickly? I liked Josef's assistant, she is funny. And oh, Josef needs a vacation.

[MickLifeCrisis]

How funny! I was grinning the whole way through!

Great Josef! But I think he cheated. He was enjoying his vacation before he even left his house!

[cassysj]

Lucy - Thanks for reading. I'll have to listen to the Evita soundtrack now.

Alle - I wish all I had to do was write. I need to win lotto. Once I decided on Antartica I had to throw in some other Alex spots. I know shopping in Rio but I am a lot like Tangie even if money were no object I'd pack a bag.

PNW - I'm glad I improved your day. I love to write comedy. I went to Alaska six or seven years ago in July and while I had been intellectually informed of the land of the midnight sun but it was only when I woke up at 2A to use the bathroom and saw the sun it really freaked me out. I'm one of those people who sleep in a dark dark room.

Lilly - Laura is quickly becoming one of my favorites. Hope used to be my favorite OC and she is still a lot of fun to write but Laura and Josef have a great relationship without the emotional baggage that he and Hope share.

fairytoes - Thanks for reading and commenting.


nm911 - I'm lucky in the sense that a story idea forms quickly and usually doesn't hit me unless I'm on free time. It's bad if I get an idea at work because if I don't put it down quickly I will lose it by the time I get home. Laura is a lot of fun. She was tailor-made for Josef so she needed to have a quick wit.

MLC-Once Josef sets his mind to play he dives in wholeheartedly

[francis]

I really enjoyed this. Josef sure needed a vacation badly, and Tangie found the perfect vacation spot for him. I loved the references of Alex' movies. Maybe Josef would like to go oyster farming...
That trick with the panties and not packing will keep Josef entertained for weeks.

[cassysj]

francis - Josef was definitely going to amuse himself for quite some time.

[cassysj]

Shameless bump. Josef definitely needs a vacation.

[allegrita]

Oh, lord, I love this story. Cranky Josef is perfect. And I love that Tangie prefers granny panties.

I bet they had a fabulous time on vacation--even Tangie!