Red, I'm honored. More than honored. These six drabbles (love that you cheated!) are my favorite drabbles ever.
I'm still hoping for some -say, oh, about four- more senses to be discovered. We'd be incredibly lucky, then.
'Til then, I can only quote my favorite passages back to you, and tell you that I love you bundles.
Touch
Silent fingers fumbling, eagerness and fear.
This passage gives me shivers. I can
feel the touch; that's how powerful it is.
There were no words.
Just touch.
And aahhh, Red, the end for this first drabble is perfect and true.
Smell
Fresh apples - now where was that coming from? Maybe soap? He concentrated harder. Mmm yes, soap; apples to go with a peaches and cream complexion.
He smiled.
Beth was here.
Mm, Beth sounds fresh and downright lucious... no wonder Mick's mouth waters. Heck,
my mouth is watering
.
I particularly like this description of Beth's scent compared to the pungent background. It makes her all that sweeter.
Hearing
its loud tick intruded, interrupted, reminded.
It had a tick, but no tock.
I love this start - I can actually hear the ticking of the clock whenever I read this. A beautiful alliteration.
Her heart to Mick’s tick.
It was all she had left of him.
A gorgeous, bittersweet ending, but... Nooo!!!! You killed Mick!!! Somehow, I still love you
(probably because there are three other drabbles).
Sight
Gone was the defiant chin, the haughty glint.
This description of Coraline is
very fitting. I can see her in my mind's eye descending the stairs of Mick's loft, dressed in his shirt...
Beth still had the open, glowing eyes of the four-year-old child who should have been hers.
Hers and Mick’s.
She was Mick’s now.
And this, wonderful Red, is a perfect description of Beth. For all of her hate and love and lust, she still has open and innocent eyes.
Taste
Of the sense drabbles, I think this is my favorite. It starts up with a description that has my stomach rumbling, and ends in a poignant and beautiful moment, that not even Mick's self-deprecation can ruin.
For so long he had cursed his shrivelled, useless taste buds. Now, as he worshipped at Beth’s vein, he knew that the taste of her, sweet, rich, alive, intoxicating, was the taste of life itself.
It could sustain him for ever.
Oh, Mick...
Balance
I'm one of those horrible persons who is glad that you cheated
. Very, very glad.
All things were suspended in her, his life, her life, their life. She held his past, their future, all of him, in her perpetual sway.
It's amazing how two short sentences can resound so deeply and conjure up so many images and emotions. This is
lovely.
