A Year-Long Love Letter (PG-13) - complete 7/5

[redwinter101]

Grace, is it wrong that I love that you are mush?

And the wedding advice, about being a good husband to Coraline...

It's straight out of "Wedding Prep" (God that was a long time ago...).

this is so PERSONAL. I feel like I'm spying.

I love that so much - because that's what I think letters are - an opportunity to write the things you'd never say. Even if you know they are going to be read, there is something about the isolation of the process of writing a letter that I think makes it incredibly intimate and personal. Thank you.

coco, I'm sure that even at the "Right here, right now" moment, Mick spent a lot of time pondering the type of future he and Beth might have. The separation I put them through would only have magnified that, I think.

PNWgal, even though Mick's dad never appeared in person in Anniversary, he hovered over so much of it - and I think Mick being separated from him would just have been awful. It was while writing that story that I had an image of what his father would be like and that continued here. Poor Mick. Poor dad.

MLC, I've written quite a bit about Mick's parents (in Anniversary) and how he was affected by his separation from them. I've always thought that this preyed on his mind every day. Like Grace said, the way Alex delivered the line about his family made it such a big deal, I really think it was something he never got over.

mitzie, I think it's so very Mick to take the hard road of total separation from his family. He could have tried to see them, to keep some sort of contact, but once he'd decided it was too dangerous for all concerned (including him) I think he would have stuck to that rigidly, no matter the cost.

Lupine, and that's my (mile-wide) romantic streak coming through. I just love the idea of Beth finding out Mick's deepest feelings but I could never see him really talking freely about this stuff with her. Hence the letters - they both win; she gets to know, and he gets to "tell" her.

alle, hugs to you, sweetie. Family, in whatever form, was, I think, Mick's greatest loss when he was turned - and I think it was the one thing he would never really be able to forgive Coraline for. I love that you loved this one. And, um, more on the way...

seamus, thank you. And I think your banner looks mighty fine too!

ML, that's such a beautiful comment - thank you so much for sharing that. The next couple of letters follow straight on from this one so they should be ready fairly soon.

Red

[redwinter101]

Oh, Red, Red, Red. I want to hug the breath out of you. These are so very lovely. I can hear Mick's voice in these letters, these words. They are so true to character and what I feel he would be thinking about as he goes on with his Bethless days.

Part of me rejoices as I read them because I already know they WILL be together again - this suffering is not for naught. But part of me cries because I know the huge price they will pay.

I'm really, really enjoying these.

Oops, sorry GA, I missed your comment. Maybe because I was struggling for breath.

Thank you - and I'm very glad you're enjoying these letters.

Red

[wpgrace]

For you.... but you have to pass it on to Mick...

[redwinter101]

For you.... but you have to pass it on to Mick...

Now that would be my pleasure...

[redwinter101]

This takes place immediately before chapter 7

Day 33



Beth,

The surveillance continues - husband, wife, three kids, dog, a perfect suburban family. I've tracked them, photographed them, eavesdropped on their lives, hunted them. I know their rhythms and routines inside out - the school runs, date night, PTA meetings, getaways to Big Bear - and through it all, I've watched as they enjoy the things most people take for granted. The things that really matter: home, family, love.

It's her. The woman. She's the target - because she's one of them. She looks so normal, friendly even, innocuous. I'm not sure if her husband even knows his beloved wife is a murderer.

I doubt she'd be able to pick me out of a line-up but she has decided I deserve to die. I know anger, I've felt its heat, its power. Anger at war, at death, at loss, at betrayal, but never like this. She, they, assume the right to make decisions of life and death, for you, for me and for countless others, friends and strangers. How dare they? They have no right. No right.

The more I watch, the harder it gets to stay away. My instincts urge me to confront her, to force her to see how wrong she is. To make her take it back, I guess. But I won't. Josef has a plan and I trust his judgement. So I'll keep watching and waiting.

But while I wait, I've made some decisions. In the cold light of day, just as she has determined my fate, I've determined hers. If it comes to it, if necessary, I will kill her and I'll do so without regret, even though I know it'll be hard. It goes against so much of what I was raised to believe, of what my mom and dad taught me about right and wrong, but everything's different now. I have my own family to protect, to fight for, and I'll do whatever it takes to keep you, us, safe. This isn't vampire justice - it's justice.

I wonder how you'll feel when you read this. I think you've always known, deep down, that I'm no angel, no hero. I just do what needs to be done, according to my rules. Part of me is afraid you won't understand or that you won't look at me the same - that it will become a shadow that hangs over us. But then there's another part of me that knows you understand the way the world works and why I have to do this, even if you don't agree. I've spent so many years making decisions on my own, it took me a while to get used to listening to your opinion. Now I miss it. I miss your voice.

I've re-written this letter so many times and I'm still not sure who I'm trying to convince. I'll do this for you, and for me, and I know it's right.

I know it.

Mick

[redwinter101]

This comes immediately after chapter 7

Day 34



B,

What a day. It started in despair and finished in joy. Despair, well, that doesn't matter now. Joy because I saw you on TV today, breaking your big story. I saw you and nothing else matters.

I'm so proud of you - so very proud of my brilliant, beautiful wife. You looked wonderful, so clear, so close, almost close enough to touch. Just hearing you was amazing but to see you was more than I could have hoped. For one terrifying moment last week, I thought I'd forgotten the sound of your voice and I had to go hunting through my voicemail to hear you again. Listening to all those old messages, even the ones about you being late home, again, brought you back to me. I sat here in the office with the lights off, just listening and for a few moments you were here. I could see you, hear you, feel you and it was amazing.

All my thoughts now are of hope, of love, of joy, of you. That's what you do to me.

I love you. I miss you every moment of every day.

M

[coco]

Such honesty from Mick in the Day 33 letter. As you mentioned before, you say things in letters that you ordanarily wouldn't admit out loud to someone and there is a lot of that going on here. I'm not sure Mick would ever have been that honest and upfront with Beth about his feelings towards the surveillance.

I wonder how you'll feel when you read this. I think you've always known, deep down, that I'm no angel, no hero. I just do what needs to be done, according to my rules. Part of me is afraid you won't understand or that you won't look at me the same - that it will become a shadow that hangs over us. But then there's another part of me that knows you understand the way the world works and why I have to do this, even if you don't agree. I've spent so many years making decisions on my own, it took me a while to get used to listening to your opinion. Now I miss it. I miss your voice.

This is my favourite part of this letter. He's scared to let Beth in to things and he hides behinds his fears but there is a part of him that knows Beth and knows that she "gets" him and won't judge him.

Day 34: I remember the part in Ch7 when he saw her on TV and his reaction to seeing her was so poignant. This letter brings it all back. That instant reaction he had - being so proud of her and grateful that she was coping where she was (or at least seemed to be) but then at the same time missing her terribly.

All my thoughts now are of hope, of love, of joy, of you. That's what you do to me.

I love you. I miss you every moment of every day.

*happy sigh*

I really do hope you know how much I adore these letters Red?

[mitzie]

More letters! It feels so intimate to be reading these letters I(almost)feel guilty!! When you write anything, it all feels so real to me!! You are a superb writer!!!! I love these letters even though they always make me Mick is on a rollercoaster of emotions!! Love these letters and look forward to more...

mitzie

[wpgrace]

OHHHHH! The great loner trying to be a family man... and at once doubting and refusing to doubt his vampire instincts... so much easier to tell her in a letter she may never see...

And that second one... oh my God... the plaintive nature of that... the fear he'd forget her voice and the courage to tell her of that intense vulnerability...

But really, Mick, to be that enraptured by seeing a face and hearing a voice on television... to try to touch that face... to feel at one with a pixellated image... to be proud of the accomplishments of someone you can ONLY see on a screen and with whom you otherwise have no contact!!!! I mean, seriously... WHO DOES THAT????????

[coco]

OHHHHH! The great loner trying to be a family man... and at once doubting and refusing to doubt his vampire instincts... so much easier to tell her in a letter she may never see...

And that second one... oh my God... the plaintive nature of that... the fear he'd forget her voice and the courage to tell her of that intense vulnerability...

But really, Mick, to be that enraptured by seeing a face and hearing a voice on television... to try to touch that face... to feel at one with a pixellated image... to be proud of the accomplishments of someone you can ONLY see on a screen and with whom you otherwise have no contact!!!! I mean, seriously... WHO DOES THAT????????

*coco raises hand*

[allegrita]

Um...

[redwinter101]

coco, I can't really see Mick actually having that conversation with Beth either, not in such stark terms. But I can imagine him reaching that decision - whether he'd actually be able to follow through on it, well that's another matter.

I really do hope you know how much I adore these letters Red?

I do now. Thank you, honey.

mitzie, thank you. I love that this feels like a peek into Mick's private world.

Grace, vulnerable Mick just clenches my poor little heart. He needs a hug.

But really, Mick, to be that enraptured by seeing a face and hearing a voice on television... to try to touch that face... to feel at one with a pixellated image... to be proud of the accomplishments of someone you can ONLY see on a screen and with whom you otherwise have no contact!!!! I mean, seriously... WHO DOES THAT????????

Who indeed? *raises hand along with coco and alle*

Red

[wpgrace]

Yeah, I know.

And I actually was all emotional reading the actual letter, but when I started to comment on it... and really envisioned him watching and reacting to her on screen, it suddenly seemed eerily familiar...

[Moonlighter]

OHHHHH! The great loner trying to be a family man... and at once doubting and refusing to doubt his vampire instincts... so much easier to tell her in a letter she may never see...

And that second one... oh my God... the plaintive nature of that... the fear he'd forget her voice and the courage to tell her of that intense vulnerability...

But really, Mick, to be that enraptured by seeing a face and hearing a voice on television... to try to touch that face... to feel at one with a pixellated image... to be proud of the accomplishments of someone you can ONLY see on a screen and with whom you otherwise have no contact!!!! I mean, seriously... WHO DOES THAT????????

*coco raises hand*

*Moonlighter raises both hands*

Red, each letter building on the last one is just fantastic. We are on the roller coaster of emotions along with Mick and by the time Beth reads these, well, no wonder she was a puddle of goo. It's amazing to see his heart poured out on paper like this and now I'm a puddle of goo. And I love it. And you for doing this. But you know that.

[redwinter101]

*loves Grace*

*loves ML, even if she is a puddle of goo*

Red