A Year-Long Love Letter (PG-13) - complete 7/5

[redwinter101]

mitzie, thank you - but there are still some hard days ahead for Mick.

Moonlighter, poor, lonely Mick. He just misses her. *sniffle*

alle, I love that these felt familiar - if you recognise Mick here, then I'm doing it right. And I think bittersweet is a good description for the whole story - there was happiness but always with a backdrop of sorrow.

coco, I have lost count of the number of times, in different stories, that I have had Mick walking along that beach. There's something about that visual that just works for me. I can see him. Especially now, when, as you say, he just wants to be with Beth.

lorig, that's so cute! Your kids sound adorable.

Lupine, there's something about milestones (birthdays, anniversaries etc.) that I think just brings things into focus - for all of us. So for Mick, here, Beth's birthday was both a cause for celebration and a cause for reflection. I love the idea of him wanting to celebrate again - purely because he has someone to celebrate with.

Red

[Fleur de Lisa]

This takes place between chapters 7 and 8

Day 100


B,

I had the most wonderful dream.

We were together, here at home, just a normal evening, talking about the day, watching an old movie on TV. I could feel you curled up against me and when you laughed I swear I felt it ripple through me. You were wearing that old varsity t-shirt I always tease you about and your hair was still damp from the shower. God you smelled amazing.

We went to bed and made love. I could feel you - your skin, so soft and warm under my fingers, your beautiful body moving against me, needing me as much as I need you. The taste of your blood, the taste of life, my life. I never thought I would feel that way. I always thought blood would divide us, but you've shown me another way. We were so close, so connected - it was beautiful and sexy and intimate. I've never felt as close to anyone as I do to you, even now when you're so far away.

When I woke up, for a few moments I forgot. The dream was so real I thought you were still here and I reached out for you. My freezer never felt so cold as it did at that moment.

It won't be long until our home is filled with love and laughter again. That's what keeps me going. You keep me going.

I love you. I miss you. I want you. I need you.

M

This one hit me right between the left and right ventricles. (practicing for Dr. Andy speak!) Lovely. And that statement about blood dividing them: brilliantly simple yet so moving. You are so good at that--taking something seemingly simple, and making it profound.

[MickLifeCrisis]

Oh, Red, the birthday letter was beautiful! And, yes ( ) made me tear up. And the one with the dream, simply lovely. That last line... so perfect for Mick.

Thank you for continuing to put up these letters.

[redwinter101]

Lisa, :curtesy: thank you. You are lovely.

MLC, more hankies, sweetie? Glad you liked these two, even if they made you sniffle.

Red

[francis]

These letters pull at my heartstrings. Dr. Andy would probably say There's no such thing as heartstrings, but I firmly believe it. Something hurts while I read these.
What got to me was the letter at day 75. Maybe because he's so resigned, and almost repetitive. He sounds exhausted. I find it comforting that he wouldn't find something really new to say every day, but that he still tried to reach out to her.
And the dream. That must have been painful, to wake up and she's gone.

[redwinter101]

francis, thanks for reading. If that's how exhausted Mick is by day 75, imagine how bad it's going to get...

Red

[janicevictoria]

Aaah Red! Two more lovely letters from Mick....He really pours his soul out in them, doesn't he? The longing for Beth is evident in every line. I especially loved this one

The taste of your blood, the taste of life, my life. I never thought I would feel that way. I always thought blood would divide us, but you've shown me another way.

Just gorgeous my friend!
Hey, have you ever thought of giving Love Letter lessons to writing challenged males?! It'd make the world better place!

[redwinter101]

JV, thank you. Mick is indeed pouring his heart out. *sniffle* No wonder they made Beth cry...

Red

[redwinter101]

This takes place between chapters 7 and 8

Day 114


Beth,

Time. All I seem to do these days is count time. I've never been so aware of ticking clocks everywhere I go. I'm glad I gave you my watch - at least that spares me the constant flutter at my wrist. I feel it passing - sometimes fast, sometimes painfully slow, but I feel it. I set myself a time every day to come in to the office and sit down to write to you - and then I count off the hours until I get here. It's become a ritual, like you're waiting, expecting me to be here. It makes me feel like you're not so far away.

I've been doing a different kind of counting today. You know. You know what day it is.

56 years. Almost a lifetime.

56 since years since I waited for my bride to walk down the aisle, a young man starting out on a new life, only to find death in its place. I used to think of Coraline every day, sometimes with love, sometimes with hate, always with regret, but now it's only on days like today that she comes to me. It shouldn't be different from any other day - it's just a date on the calendar and I'm the same person I was yesterday and will be tomorrow - but somehow seeing that date click over takes me back, the memories fresher, sharper. That heavy feeling in my gut that I can't shake.

I was so young. I'd lived through war, love, loss, grief, but in so many ways I was an innocent. I used to wish I could go back and talk to that young man, to warn him what was coming, to tell him to save himself. But now, what would I say? How can I wish for a different path when this one has brought me to you? That day's a raw wound that's never really healed, but without it, I'd never have found you.

For 56 years I've called Coraline my wife. Not any more. You're my wife. The man you married is a different man from the kid who took Coraline's hand and promised her forever. I'm different. And I've only been married once - to you.

So, today is no longer my wedding anniversary, although it'll always mark the day my life changed forever. One life ended and another one began - and set me on my path to you, to the path we walk together.

I don't know if any of this makes sense, but maybe it doesn't need to. We are who we are.

I love you.

Mick

[coco]

Such a special letter Red. I think this is actually my favourite so far. So much introspection from Mick here. I think it's such a shame again that he has to experience this day on his own - you kind of feel that as he's now married to Beth she should have been able to be there to help him through his thoughts and feelings on this particular day.

I adore his new outlook on this day:

So, today is no longer my wedding anniversary, although it'll always mark the day my life changed forever. One life ended and another one began - and set me on my path to you, to the path we walk together.

My favourite line:

How can I wish for a different path when this one has brought me to you?

Just lovely Red.

[mitzie]

I feel like I'm aching right along with Mick! Such an awful day for him to be alone, but the letters make him feel less lonely and the later parts of the letter are a good way for him to think about the turning. He wouldn't have Beth if it hadn't happened. I love these letters, they are pure Mick! They make me feel and think. I'm looking forward to more of these exquisite letters...


mitzie

[kpyle]

After reading the progression of time in these letters, I have come to the realization that there is good in everything! The heartache is still there and so strong, but Mick seems to growing and slowly learning to accept himself and what he has become. I am not sure he would have come to some of these conclusion without having her first and then having to be seperated! This is an aweful way for him to get therapy, but it does seem like that is what is happening! I just love these little letters!! Thanks for sharing them!!

Kelly

[lorig]

So beautiful! Such a revolation which was a long time coming. Love how he says he was only married once...to Beth. So sweet. In MHO the most profound letter so far. Finally admitting why he is what he is and the path that led to Beth. Just perfect Red.

[Fleur de Lisa]

Each one of these letters that I read, I am convinced is the best one.

This is the best one yet! Loved it for it's simplicity and honesty. Mostly, for the realization of what it took to get him where he now is. He had to go through hell to find his heaven.

Beautiful.

[allegrita]

I think about Mick sitting at his desk every day at the same time, maybe with the afternoon light slanting through the windows behind him, writing to his Beth. I can picture him with an old-fashioned fountain pen, writing these love letters. Pouring his heart onto the page. Working out his thoughts. He's got a lot of time to think about things, and finally, finally he has someone to talk to about them.

I agree with Kelly that perhaps the therapy Mick gets from writing these letters is a silver (or, since he's a vampire, a golden) lining to the horrible cloud of separation and sorrow. Mick is working out so many of the issues that he never forced himself to face till now.

Mick says in this letter that he's only been married once, and that's to Beth. In a way, he's right. His marriage to Coraline could certainly have been annulled based on fraud, had there been a way for him to explain what she did to him on their wedding night. It makes sense to me that he feels able now to free himself from that burden, at least--although of course this will always be the anniversary of his turning.

But even that, even the worst thing that ever happened to him, brought him to Beth. So he embraces it as well.

"We are who we are." I'm so glad that he's begun to understand that. He'll be a much better person, and a lot happier in the long run, for accepting that he's the sum of his experiences, good and bad. If only Josef had lived to see him achieve this piece of clarity. But maybe he knows--being Josef, maybe he could see Mick gaining that understanding, even before Mick did.