The Sun and the Moon (One-shot) New 1/27/09 PG

[darkstarrising]

Hi,

This is a one shot filling in the gap the day of Josh's funeral. For me, Beth is a complex person whose actions (or lack of them) in choosing between Josh and Mick in the series was somewhat disappointing. I have a higher opinion of her than that.

Anyway, I don't own any of the characters, but I certainly do like to play with them.

Any quotations taken from an episode is made with the deepest respect for the writer who authored them.

A/N A phrase is used in this story 'carpe diem', which is Latin for 'seize the day'

Rated PG

The Sun and the Moon

Peaceful. Walking along the water’s edge, everything felt so peaceful. The sun was low on the horizon and the gulls’ cries came and went with the crashing waves. She felt as if she had been walking forever, yet she felt refreshed, the warm sand and cool water alternately caressing her feet. The sun’s warmth was fading now, along with its light. But where was she going? Why was she all alone on the beach? Where had everyone gone?

Gradually, the sun was replaced by the moon, and the coolness of the evening breeze was as welcome as the sun’s warmth had once been. On she walked, shrouded by the night, the light of the rising moon her only guide. The waves still crashed on the shoreline, but there was a new sound now, one that didn’t fit, one that she couldn’t ignore.

Instinctively, she reached out and swatted the source of the offending noise.

7:30 am

The clock’s buzzer was muted and silence reclaimed her room as she struggled to gain her mental bearings. Her dream had been so pleasant that she clung to its comfort, reluctant to leave it behind. Gradually, the remnants of her dream faded, leaving her to face this day. Alone.

I’m not ready for this. No one ever is. I just pray to God to get me through this day. Then, the first week of my life without Josh will be over.

The morning rituals were performed, much as on any other day. Coffee and bagel were consumed, though neither registered. The shower provided a momentary refuge, the steam and water surrounding her, soothing away her body’s tension. Rivulets of water trickled down her face, at last without the company of tears. For now, they had stopped. For a while, she never thought that they never would.

Unlike other mornings, no background noise distracted her, no music accompanied her movements. Silence was her companion this day to contemplate all she had lost. Silence to reflect on the man who loved her. Silence to wonder about the man she loved.

Surprisingly, for the first time since Josh died, her mind was clear and focused. For the last week, she had stumbled from one day to the next, feeling mostly nothing when she wasn’t feeling the pain of loss. She had answered questions, helped make funeral arrangements, responded numbly when people tried to comfort her. She had talked with Josh’s family, trying to help them make sense of the senseless. But how could she explain what she herself couldn’t understand?

Finally, she was ready. Her dark two piece suit was plain and simple, in keeping with the situation. Her hair, long and loose, nearly hid the small earrings she wore. Josh preferred her hair like this, saying that pulling it back made her look like a school teacher he once had. She smiled at that memory, just one of the silly little things that he would say to make her laugh. Absentmindedly, she touched the ring on her finger, the one he never got the chance to give her. The one she knew she could not have accepted and would return to his family at the end of the day. She had agonized over this, but finally she decided to wear it today, to honor one last time the man who had loved and died for her.

It wasn’t fair. Josh didn’t deserve to die like that. He certainly didn’t deserve to die for her. Shock, denial and anger had followed in the wake of Josh’s death, but gradually had eased. Now, guilt was edging its way into the mix, posing questions she’d rather not face or answer. If she had been honest with him about how her feelings had changed, would he still be alive? She loved him, she always would. But she had fallen out of love with him, drawn inexorably toward another. Josh would never have understood her connection with Mick. How could he? How could anyone? Would he still have felt the need to protect her, knowing how she really felt?

Stop! Focus on Josh. Focus on the happiness you brought each other. Leave the self-recrimination for tomorrow.

She greeted friends and Josh’s family at the funeral home, where a simple ceremony would take place. His family had embraced her as one of their own, yet each knew by the end of the day, this tenuous connection would be broken. Josh was what brought them together and now, he was gone. The well intentioned promises to keep in touch would never be kept. Friends and co-workers saw her as the grieving almost-widow, their pity evident in their eyes and their words. Pity she wasn’t sure she wanted or deserved.

Grieve for your loss, not for mine.

Many paused or prayed quickly at the casket, while others kept their distance. Some, she realized, could not face death, even when it wasn’t their own. Throughout the morning, her mind wandered, hearing only a few words from time to time, reflecting instead on her own thoughts and memories. How odd. Those that were closest to her now had all faced death, a never-ending death that brought no peace. She’d never really thought of it this way before, but for them, death was a constant companion.

Mick.

Her thoughts turned unwillingly toward him. She hoped he’d attend the service, but he was nowhere to be seen. That, too, was her doing. She’d pushed him away in her anger and pain, after everything he had done and tried to do for her. He’d worked so hard to save Josh. Would he ever forgive her? She felt his answer as if whispered in her ear.

Yes.

Someone touched her hand gently, ending her reverie. All the mourners had left, with some happily heading back to their everyday lives, having fulfilled an unpleasant duty. A few others would gather at the cemetery. Now, only she and Josh’s family remained. It was time. Time to close the casket, time to say good bye. The final rite of separation had begun.

His family went first, each giving way to grief in their own way. Gradually, they moved away from the casket, giving her a small degree of privacy for her own farewell. She gazed on Josh’s face.

Peaceful, just so peaceful.

No more pain, no more fear, no more hurt, no more lies. Just peace. She reached for his hand, startled by its uncharacteristic coldness. Recovering, she brushed her lips to his one last time, then let him go.

At the cemetery, friends and relatives gathered again, with members of the police and DA’s office providing the city’s official farewell. The sun felt good, providing welcome warmth to body and soul. Making her way to the gravesite, each step felt just a little lighter. Each step brought her closer to this sorrowful journey’s end and to a new beginning.

Then she saw him. But something wasn’t right. The confident stride was missing, replaced by the stiff gait of one in pain. As he drew closer, she could see the gashes on his face, the bruises near his eye. A few brief words before the service began.

Coraline was gone and he was human.

The service begins and she sits with Josh’s family one last time. Mick stands across from her, on the other side of the grave. Try as they might to avoid looking at each other, they fail, and each sees beyond the pain of the moment. The minister’s words reach out to them, breaking down the barriers, both real and imagined, that have kept them apart:

‘We're all mortal. Our time is limited. It's part of what allows us to love and hurt. And in the end it inspires us to make the most of the time we are given.’

Carpe diem.

At that moment she understands. This is life. This isn’t a dress rehearsal. You only get one chance and it was time to take it. Glancing once again at the man she loves, she knows she'll take it.

[librarian_7]

DSR, very lovely...I can hear Beth so clearly in this. It's perfectly in character.

Lucky

[lorig]

Very nice. I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks dsr.

[GuardianAngel]

I'll second that. I could hear Beth loud and clear. That is exactly what I would expect that day to be like for her. With a few days to come to terms with her feelings and to be honest with herself, Josh's funeral would have been a turning point. There was no future for them even had Josh lived. She'd mourn him but she'd move one. And Mick is what she wanted, who she loved.

I'd heard some people say that they thought it was disrespectful for Beth's eyes to keep wandering to Mick but I don't think so. First, I don't think she could help it. Mick had to be very much at the front of her mind and there he was. And he was human. Second, Mick had a tendency to disappear. She probably wanted to keep tabs on him.

[MoonlitRose]

Darkstarrising,

You did a beautiful job of portraying the complexities of Beth. The title is so appropriate for this piece.

Thank you for sharing.

[mitzie]

A really heart-felt story. You are spot on with the portrayal of Beth. Beautiful and sad. Loved it!!

mitzie

[redwinter101]

Just let me say that I love your motivation for writing this - I agree that Beth gets a really bum deal for her actions and reactions from Josh's death onwards. Granted some of those are due to shoddy writing but some of them are just judgements made about grief and how it "should" be handled.

I agree with the others who have commented that Beth's voice comes through beautifully. Life is about choices and conflict. And it's rarely simple. You lay that out in a way that not only makes sense, but has the ring of truth in every line.

She's strong, self-aware and refuses to indulge in self-pity - I love that about her and you portray it beautifully.

At that moment she understands. This is life. This isn’t a dress rehearsal. You only get one chance and it was time to take it. Glancing once again at the man she loves, she knows she'll take it.

That's a beautiful ending. God how I wish you'd been writing the final four and then we would have been spared some of the terrible things they did to her.

Red

[coco]

dsr this was just lovely. I could hear Beth throughout this.

The service begins and she sits with Josh’s family one last time. Mick stands across from her, on the other side of the grave. Try as they might to avoid looking at each other, they fail, and each sees beyond the pain of the moment. The minister’s words reach out to them, breaking down the barriers, both real and imagined, that have kept them apart:

‘We're all mortal. Our time is limited. It's part of what allows us to love and hurt. And in the end it inspires us to make the most of the time we are given.’

Carpe diem.

At that moment she understands. This is life. This isn’t a dress rehearsal. You only get one chance and it was time to take it. Glancing once again at the man she loves, she knows she'll take it.

Just lovely

[darkstarrising]

Lucky, lorig, GA, moonlit rose, mitzie - thank you so much!!! This was a turning point for her. she left one life behind, and had accepted the possibility of a new one.

GA, ITA - with her decision to move on and Mick now being human, how could she not keep looking?

[darkstarrising]

Just let me say that I love your motivation for writing this - I agree that Beth gets a really bum deal for her actions and reactions from Josh's death onwards. Granted some of those are due to shoddy writing but some of them are just judgements made about grief and how it "should" be handled.

I agree with the others who have commented that Beth's voice comes through beautifully. Life is about choices and conflict. And it's rarely simple. You lay that out in a way that not only makes sense, but has the ring of truth in every line.

She's strong, self-aware and refuses to indulge in self-pity - I love that about her and you portray it beautifully.

At that moment she understands. This is life. This isn’t a dress rehearsal. You only get one chance and it was time to take it. Glancing once again at the man she loves, she knows she'll take it.

That's a beautiful ending. God how I wish you'd been writing the final four and then we would have been spared some of the terrible things they did to her.

Red

Red,

thanks....I really like Beth as a character and you're right, she is strong and self-aware. She went through her grief for Josh, reacting as many would to such horrific ending. But she knew in her heart that her relationship with him was over and that another who had loved her for years has displaced him. There was no point in wallowing in grief.

Thank you for the lovely comment about writing the last four episodes. I thought it was just me, but the writers and directors didn't do her any favors. Not to mention wardrobe and hair....

[darkstarrising]

dsr this was just lovely. I could hear Beth throughout this.

The service begins and she sits with Josh’s family one last time. Mick stands across from her, on the other side of the grave. Try as they might to avoid looking at each other, they fail, and each sees beyond the pain of the moment. The minister’s words reach out to them, breaking down the barriers, both real and imagined, that have kept them apart:

‘We're all mortal. Our time is limited. It's part of what allows us to love and hurt. And in the end it inspires us to make the most of the time we are given.’

Carpe diem.

At that moment she understands. This is life. This isn’t a dress rehearsal. You only get one chance and it was time to take it. Glancing once again at the man she loves, she knows she'll take it.

Just lovely

coco,

thanks...I thought that Mick's and Beth's expressions in the final moments of the episode indicated that each knew that the other was their future, but first, they would honor a man who one respected and the other loved.

[wpgrace]

Nicely done as always, dark... She was more complicated than the last eps let her be... and she was more thoughtful than the last eps let her be... I always think back to the third ep, when he watched her give that news story about the feral vamp, tho she didn't reveal it to be a vamp and he told she got a bit close to saying it... and she looks at him very patiently and says, "Why do you think you can't trust me?" And you know right then he always can.

But the writers started writing her all over the place for awhile... I think you've done a great job bringing all those Beths together here.

Isn't it interesting that off-character mistake by the show's writers have irked all of us so? Thank goodness WE have writers of our own...

[darkstarrising]

Nicely done as always, dark... She was more complicated than the last eps let her be... and she was more thoughtful than the last eps let her be... I always think back to the third ep, when he watched her give that news story about the feral vamp, tho she didn't reveal it to be a vamp and he told she got a bit close to saying it... and she looks at him very patiently and says, "Why do you think you can't trust me?" And you know right then he always can.

But the writers started writing her all over the place for awhile... I think you've done a great job bringing all those Beths together here.

Isn't it interesting that off-character mistake by the show's writers have irked all of us so? Thank goodness WE have writers of our own...

grace,

thanks...yes, poor Beth, like the show in general was all over the map toward the end. Sophia did a wonderful job trying to keep some semblance of the real Beth in the mix. What I tried to do with her here is step inside her head during the time when she lets go of one love and begins to move toward her one true love.

[wpgrace]

Well I think you did it and did it well...

[darkstarrising]

Well I think you did it and did it well...

grace,

thanks....now it's time for me to go back to my mainstay....the fifth chapter is nearly ready!!!