Page 2 of 3
Re: Full Circle -(PG) Champagne Challenge #103
Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 4:17 am
by darkstarrising
one.zebra wrote:DS, so true, so beautiful....
one.zebra,
thanks so much!!
mitzie,
and I agree. By her very nature, she would want to help, but something is in the back of her mind that keeps her from running away.
Re: Full Circle -(PG) Champagne Challenge #103
Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 3:31 pm
by francis
Wonderful!!! Yet another take on the scene, yet another heartbreaking rendition of the turning point in their relationship. I love it. I love especially the ending. Full circle, and trust. It's all about trust, and he decides to give her trust. Brilliant, stunning and haunting. Well done, dsr.
I turn to face you, to tell you to leave. Nothing is in your eyes now but concern and
Trust
It hits me as you hold your hand out to me. We’ve done this before. But the roles are reversed. I’m the one scared and in pain, huddled in on myself, hoping to be invisible. Not so long ago, it was you, curled up tight, trying to hide from the horror around you. Trying to be invisible. Hoping it was all just a bad dream.
That night, I held out my hand to you and said I would take you home. What did you see in me so long ago? A man you didn’t know, covered in blood, offered you hope. You looked into my eyes and gave me your trust. Then you gave me your hand. You were safe.
Your eyes hold mine now.
Trust me. Let me help. You can trust me.
I can. I do. I give you my hand. We have come full circle. I am safe.
Re: Full Circle -(PG) Champagne Challenge #103
Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 3:43 pm
by darkstarrising
francis wrote:Wonderful!!! Yet another take on the scene, yet another heartbreaking rendition of the turning point in their relationship. I love it. I love especially the ending. Full circle, and trust. It's all about trust, and he decides to give her trust. Brilliant, stunning and haunting. Well done, dsr.
I turn to face you, to tell you to leave. Nothing is in your eyes now but concern and
Trust
It hits me as you hold your hand out to me. We’ve done this before. But the roles are reversed. I’m the one scared and in pain, huddled in on myself, hoping to be invisible. Not so long ago, it was you, curled up tight, trying to hide from the horror around you. Trying to be invisible. Hoping it was all just a bad dream.
That night, I held out my hand to you and said I would take you home. What did you see in me so long ago? A man you didn’t know, covered in blood, offered you hope. You looked into my eyes and gave me your trust. Then you gave me your hand. You were safe.
Your eyes hold mine now.
Trust me. Let me help. You can trust me.
I can. I do. I give you my hand. We have come full circle. I am safe.
francis,
thanks and I'm glad you liked it
For me, this was a key point in their relationship. She overcame her initial fear, seeing only a man who needed help. Maybe there was some long buried childhood memory influencing her, or maybe she had already fallen for him. Either way, she was going to help him as best she could.
Re: Full Circle -(PG) Champagne Challenge #103
Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 4:29 pm
by Raven
The thing that really tore Mick up was the possibility that Beth, his reason for being...would see him as a monster and he couldn't bear her revulsion and horror. As with most things...the anticipation is much greater than the actuality.
And Mick realizes that with Beth, he's safe...as she is with him. That is so beautiful.
I loved this DSR. Thank you!
Re: Full Circle -(PG) Champagne Challenge #103
Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 4:38 pm
by darkstarrising
Raven wrote:The thing that really tore Mick up was the possibility that Beth, his reason for being...would see him as a monster and he couldn't bear her revulsion and horror. As with most things...the anticipation is much greater than the actuality.
And Mick realizes that with Beth, he's safe...as she is with him. That is so beautiful.
I loved this DSR. Thank you!
Raven,
thanks so much
You're right, he expects the worst and dreads what it will do to him. Yet she isn't repulsed and she isn't afraid. She reaches out to him and now, it is now his turn to trust her.
Re: Full Circle -(PG) Champagne Challenge #103
Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 10:26 pm
by coco
Oh
dsr that was fabulous and heartbreaking
Beautiful take on the challenge
Re: Full Circle -(PG) Champagne Challenge #103
Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 10:30 pm
by darkstarrising
coco wrote:Oh
dsr that was fabulous and heartbreaking
Beautiful take on the challenge
coco,
It is heartbreaking to 'hear' what he thinks, but heartening to know that she's not afraid and he's willing to trust her.
Re: Full Circle -(PG) Champagne Challenge #103
Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 11:05 pm
by Liana
Karen, it is so beautifuly written! It has it's rhythm, you payed attention to punctuation.
The story "sounds" in poetic manner. Very lovely!
We know how Mick is with trust. Once he payed oh so dearly for his trust...
For a long time trust and love didn't stand together for Mick, after the betrayal of his wife, even in 55 years he's afraid to trust somebody...
Each time I see that scene I tear up at his "Please, don't look at me"...
I loved how you switched on Beth's inquisitive nature...
And the way you linked the past with the present!! Just loved it!
Thank you for writing this story!!
Re: Full Circle -(PG) Champagne Challenge #103
Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 11:11 pm
by lunalux
Very insightful premise -- the whole notion of coming full circle. Loved the lyrical writing and reference to their shared past. It was wonderful.
Thanks for posting.
Re: Full Circle -(PG) Champagne Challenge #103
Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 11:14 pm
by darkstarrising
Liana wrote:Karen, it is so beautifuly written! It has it's rhythm, you payed attention to punctuation.
The story "sounds" in poetic manner. Very lovely!
We know how Mick is with trust. Once he payed oh so dearly for his trust...
For a long time trust and love didn't stand together for Mick, after the betrayal of his wife, even in 55 years he's afraid to trust somebody...
Each time I see that scene I tear up at his "Please, don't look at me"...
I loved how you switched on Beth's inquisitive nature...
And the way you linked the past with the present!! Just loved it!
Thank you for writing this story!!
Liana,
and you are most welcome
Yes, Mick did pay dearly for his trust, but Beth is different. She didn't run away and she overcame her initial shock, and offered to help. When he sees the parallel to the past, he knows he can trust her.
Thank you for thinking of this as being poetic...not something that is easy for me!!
Re: Full Circle -(PG) Champagne Challenge #103
Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 11:17 pm
by darkstarrising
lunalux wrote:Very insightful premise -- the whole notion of coming full circle. Loved the lyrical writing and reference to their shared past. It was wonderful.
Thanks for posting.
lunalux,
When he sees her eyes and feels her touch, he can only remember a similar exchange so long ago. She trusted him. Now, it's his turn.
Re: Full Circle -(PG) Champagne Challenge #103
Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 6:51 am
by janicevictoria
You looked into my eyes and gave me your trust. Then you gave me your hand.
Simply stunning, DSR...I've got a lump in my throat as I write this....
Re: Full Circle -(PG) Champagne Challenge #103
Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 2:28 pm
by darkstarrising
janicevictoria wrote:You looked into my eyes and gave me your trust. Then you gave me your hand.
Simply stunning, DSR...I've got a lump in my throat as I write this....
janicevictoria,
He remembers all those years ago, seeing a small frightened child take a chance and trust him. She saw past the blood then, she sees past the blood now. Now, he's the one who has to take the chance.
Re: Full Circle -(PG) Champagne Challenge #103
Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 3:16 pm
by wollstonecraft61
This is affecting to the core. So beautiful, dark, so beautiful. You see past the vampire to the hurt man, both in body and soul. That reference to the loss of his humanity for just loving with his heart moved me to tears. We ALL want to reach out to him. Very well done.
Re: Full Circle -(PG) Champagne Challenge #103
Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 3:28 pm
by darkstarrising
wollstonecraft61 wrote:This is affecting to the core. So beautiful, dark, so beautiful. You see past the vampire to the hurt man, both in body and soul. That reference to the loss of his humanity for just loving with his heart moved me to tears. We ALL want to reach out to him. Very well done.
wollstonecraft61,
thanks so much
Mick is hurt, physically, but his emotional hurt is much deeper than that. There was a line at the end of Arrested Development that got to me....that he went to bed a happily married man and woke up a monster.....and has believed that of himself for so long. He didn't want to be seen as a monster in Beth's eyes.
Beth, no fear. I think she sub-consciously remembers him saving her and now she wants to save him. He takes her hand and follows the light from his Beth. Lovingly done!!!!
