Man on the Street (vignette) --PG-13

Post by **librarian_7** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 3:46 am

Okay, just a little vignette. Short, sweet and to the point.

Man on the Street

I’m going to tell you something, and you can believe me or not. I know what I say is true.

There’s a ghost on the streets of Los Angeles. He drives a green Mercedes Benz, and he cruises good neighborhoods and bad.

The working girls know him—they see everything. The young ones, the new ones, hope he’s looking for them, because that ghost, he carries a handsome, haunted face. But the ones who’ve been longer on the street, they know he never stops, never looks, and because they see everything, they know what I know.

See, the years go by, slow when you’re young, faster the longer you live, and we all change. We get taller, we get fatter, and after awhile we get grayer. But the man in the Mercedes, he never changes. Must’ve been in the early seventies, coming up on forty years ago. Hot summer nights, and even as a kid, not yet ten, I had trouble sleeping. I’d slip out of bed quiet-like, hoping not to disturb my grandma, and lean up against the burglar bars over the window, hoping to catch a breeze.

And I’d see that car, dark green under the streetlights, and black in the darkness between, purring quiet like a stalking leopard. And the driver, dark-haired, thin face, his big hands owning that steering wheel. Just driving the streets like he was looking for a way out of hell.

I think even at seven or eight, I could have told him he wouldn’t find redemption out there.

The years go by, man, so fast, and when I got older, when I was out running the roads myself, looking for God knows what—adventure, money, love, whatever young men look for—I still saw him, from time to time. Looking the same, the Benz a little older, but still in way the wrong part of town. Friend of mine had a run-in with him once, said the man scared the crap out of him, but he’d never say what happened, exactly. I know, though, I know that’s no ordinary man.

And to this day, whenever I’m out late, I keep an eye out for that car. I found what I was looking for, a long time ago. But every now and then, a man needs to be out in the small hours of the night. And when I am, I listen for the purr of that Mercedes, low and sweet in the darkness, and I watch for the man who hasn’t aged a day, not in almost forty years. If he’s searching for redemption, he hasn’t found it yet. Maybe he never will.

So you can believe me or not, but I’m telling you true. Out there on the night streets of Los Angeles, there’s a ghost. And he drives a green Mercedes Benz.

cassysj · Post by **cassysj** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 3:49 am

Very interesting. You do get noticed by someone if you spend 50 plus years in one place.

Post by **PNWgal** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 5:00 am

Oh Lucky...this was just a delightful piece of wonderfulness...

It would stand to reason that after 50 years, SOMEONE would see Mick and you portrayed that so nicely here. Someone who's lived his life seeing a man haunt the streets in that green Mercedes.

because that ghost, he carries a handsome, haunted face.

Such a lovely turn of phrase - just loved it.

I think even at seven or eight, I could have told him he wouldn’t find redemption out there.

The narrator's wise beyond his years. Mick could search forever and not find his redemption on the streets.

And when I am, I listen for the purr of that Mercedes, low and sweet in the darkness, and I watch for the man who hasn’t aged a day, not in almost forty years. If he’s searching for redemption, he hasn’t found it yet. Maybe he never will.

Will Mick find his redemption? Has he found it in Beth?

Just...SO good, Lucky!

Luxe de Luxe · Post by **Luxe de Luxe** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 7:08 am

the last couple of paragraphs gave me a goosy feel.... the everyman joe, waiting and listening for the car, like listening for the toll of the bell, watching for the ghost. mmm... interesting piece.

mitzie · Post by **mitzie** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 8:17 am

Powerful piece of writing!! It is chilling looking at it from the every person point of view. It makes me think. I love it!!!!

mitzie

AussieJo · Post by **AussieJo** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 9:32 am

Wow, this was....

And it makes sense that there are people out there who notice and wonder.

francis · Post by **francis** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 9:56 am

Wonderful small piece! It has this haunted feel like a good ghost story, yet describes someone we know is no ghost - not really.

Just driving the streets like he was looking for a way out of hell.

This reminds me of the Flying Dutchman myth. Or the Ahasver myth. Someone immortal, not able to change his ways, not able to find redemption until his soul mate, his true love, saves him. I never before noticed how similar that is to Mick and Beth.
I love this.

jenstc2003 · Post by **jenstc2003** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 12:17 pm

Absolutely spot on perfect Lucky. Someone HAD to have seen him... had to have noticed that he had not aged. I love the narrator's point of view, too- just the any person on the street, who happened to notice things around them. Beautifully poignant.

RangerCM · Post by **RangerCM** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 4:48 pm

Love this. This could easily stand alone in any published collection of shorts. It would be even more intriguing to someone who knows nothing of the Mick character.

Post by **librarian_7** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 4:48 pm

Thanks so much for your comments....

francis, I did have the Flying Dutchman in mind, but decided not to throw in a direct allusion, as (alas) I didn't think it would be in character for this narrator to know that story.

Somehow it made sense that someone would have noticed, maybe a lot of people over the years. I think that the vampires are fooling themselves if they think their existence is all that secret.

Lucky

Post by **allegrita** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 7:01 pm

Lucky, this story gave me chills! It's just an inspired piece--and I agree, it could go in any published anthology of short-shorts. You don't need to know anything about Mick to "get" this story.

Beautiful, eerie, dark and noirish, with a weary wisdom and a sense of the wonders and terrors that are hidden by the night.

coco · Post by **coco** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 8:42 pm

Oh how wonderful Lucky.

Very noir and atmospheric.

*coco pulls up a chair in Lucky's office once again*

MoonShadow · Post by **MoonShadow** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 9:33 pm

Lucky,
After just having plowed through all seven pages of The Rime of the Ancient Mariner including in depth and close reading

I want you to know, you hit every theme and did it in a MUCH more pleasant way.

You never fail to restore my faith in the written word...

thank you!

Post by **librarian_7** » Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:43 pm

Alle, coco, thanks so much.

MS,

I'm sure Samuel Taylor Coleridge is rolling in his grave, but I do appreciate the praise!

Lucky

Fleur de Lisa · Post by **Fleur de Lisa** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 12:50 am

Brilliant, lucky. Just when I think there couldn't possibly be any more new/unique ML moments to read about, something like this comes along.

Clever take.

Moonlightaholics

Moonlightaholics

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