Hold me close (PG)

[redwinter101]

Title: Hold me close
Author: redwinter101
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own Moonlight or any of its characters
Note: a Fever snapshot.


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--- Hold me close ---

I'm ready.

We all have to reach our end some time and this is mine.

There are far worse ways to go. Believe me, I know. The things I've seen: the terror on a boy's face as he clutches the rifle that belongs in older hands and screams for his mama; the horror in a young girl's eyes just before I suck the last drops of her future, her hopes, her unborn children, her dreams; the anguish in an old man's faltering heartbeat as he realises there's no more time.

But there's something right, something beautiful, symmetrical, about this. All the lives I've ruined, taken, despoiled, and now I'm saving two futures, Leni and her baby. I thought I'd be afraid when the time came, of the moment, the pain, and of what comes after. No matter how long you live, death never loses its mystery.

But I'm not afraid. Sad, sure. Who wouldn't be? Maybe a little relieved, too. It's my time. I can stop. Rest. Be at peace, maybe.

I feel-.

I feel like a weight's lifting.

Probably delirium. I've had the DTs before; I know what they feel like. But there's someone close, waiting. Waiting for me. All those boys crying out for a mother's comfort in their final moments - I'm no different. I can almost see her, bathed in memory's glorious sunlight, leaning over the back fence, beckoning to me.

"Come on, Mick. Time to come in for supper." Her smile, the sweetest thing I ever saw. Her voice, lilting, resonating with warmth and care and love. No-one else ever loved me like that.

As I reach out my hand, a touch, warm and urgent.

"Mick!" A new voice, fearful, desperate.

It's her. Beth. She's here, now. She'll know what to do. She'll make sure Leni's safe. It isn't all in vain. Even vampires get a little vanity in death - I saved Leni and now she'll go on, live the life she deserves. Raise her child and live to be a hundred.

That makes me smile. This young, vibrant woman - girl, really - she took on Fayed and won. She's worth it.

"You're dying."

The ache of loss is a small price to pay. I wish… God, I wish so many things had been different. I wish we'd had a chance. I wish I'd told her, everything. I wish she didn't have to see this.

What's she doing? Oh God, no. Not now. Not this. Not you.

I guess I'm not as strong as I thought. We all cling on in our own ways. I thought I was ready, but in a heartbeat I know I'll do it. She doesn't know what she's doing - I do, but it still doesn't stop me.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

None of it.

All my hopes and dreams, shattered in a kaleidoscope of dirt and heat and sweat and pain.

I'd have been okay if she'd just done as I asked, but now it's too late. Need overwhelms me and I am lost in its thrall.

The world could end right now and I wouldn't notice. I wouldn't stop. All I can feel, everything, my body, soul, heart, hope is in this moment. Hope and despair. Life and death.

Her vibrant blood flows through me, reaching every corner, bringing me back to life just as I die a little more with every moment.

I will survive. But who will I be now?

I've broken the most sacred bond of my existence. I thought I was stronger, but now I know I am powerless.

Beth.
Beth.
Beth.

Save me.

Destroy me.

Love me.

[PNWgal]

Oh...hell...

I'm not sure if you meant this to be a tear-jerker, but it's sure jerking tears from me.

Can I just quote the whole thing? Because it's going to be really really tough to pull my favorite lines out of this. It's all so beautiful.

I love the finality of the beginning, how Mick's a good place because he saved Leni and her baby. He saved two lives, a small way to make up for the lives he's damaged, possibly ruined.

This is where I started reaching for a tissue:

All those boys crying out for a mother's comfort in their final moments - I'm no different. I can almost see her, bathed in memory's glorious sunlight, leaning over the back fence, beckoning to me.

"Come on, Mick. Time to come in for supper." Her smile, the sweetest thing I ever saw. Her voice, lilting, resonating with warmth and care and love. No-one else ever loved me like that.

A mother's love...

But Beth's there, someone who loves him, too, and she'll do anything she can to save him.

Her vibrant blood flows through me, reaching every corner, bringing me back to life just as I die a little more with every moment.

How much do I LOVE this line? His instinct, his will to survive overcomes his reluctance to pull Beth into his existence and he takes what she offers.

And then there's the ending:

Save me.

Destroy me.

Love me.

This was just a lovely little insight into Mick in one of my very favorite scenes...and now I'm off to blubber in private.

[redwinter101]

I'm not sure if you meant this to be a tear-jerker, but it's sure jerking tears from me.

It didn't start out that way, honest (it started as something utterly different) but then it took on a life of its own and for only the second time ever, I made myself cry.

It's all so beautiful.

Thank you, thank you, a thousand times, thank you.

*offers hankies*

Red

[jen]

Oh. Red.

I was sure this was Emma just before the Cleaners ashed her and her husband. Then,

But there's something right, something beautiful, symmetrical, about this. All the lives I've ruined, taken, despoiled, and now I'm saving two futures, Leni and her baby. I thought I'd be afraid when the time came, of the moment, the pain, and of what comes after. No matter how long you live, death never loses its mystery.

Fever. Of course, Interesting that I would automatically think of Emma, but Mick thought this was his end, and all these things were in his face as he sat in that tub.

As I reach out my hand, a touch, warm and urgent.

"Mick!" A new voice, fearful, desperate.

It's her. Beth. She's here, now. She'll know what to do. She'll make sure Leni's safe. It isn't all in vain. Even vampires get a little vanity in death - I saved Leni and now she'll go on, live the life she deserves. Raise her child and live to be a hundred.

That makes me smile. This young, vibrant woman - girl, really - she took on Fayed and won. She's worth it.

"You're dying."

The ache of loss is a small price to pay. I wish… God, I wish so many things had been different. I wish we'd had a chance. I wish I'd told her, everything. I wish she didn't have to see this.

Beth. Who sometime before sobbed at the thought of losing him, is now prepared to do whatever it takes to drag him back from the brink of oblivion.

What's she doing? Oh God, no. Not now. Not this. Not you.

I guess I'm not as strong as I thought. We all cling on in our own ways. I thought I was ready, but in a heartbeat I know I'll do it. She doesn't know what she's doing - I do, but it still doesn't stop me.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

None of it.

All my hopes and dreams, shattered in a kaleidoscope of dirt and heat and sweat and pain.

I'd have been okay if she'd just done as I asked, but now it's too late. Need overwhelms me and I am lost in its thrall.

The world could end right now and I wouldn't notice. I wouldn't stop. All I can feel, everything, my body, soul, heart, hope is in this moment. Hope and despair. Life and death.

Her vibrant blood flows through me, reaching every corner, bringing me back to life just as I die a little more with every moment.

I will survive. But who will I be now?

I've broken the most sacred bond of my existence. I thought I was stronger, but now I know I am powerless.

Beth.
Beth.
Beth.

Save me.

Destroy me.

Love me.

Mick had accepted his death, sacrificing himself to save Lenni and her child, but now Beth is saving him, and he fears what that continued life will bring. We all fear the future to some degree, and Mick is no different here.

Absolutely wonderful (and yes, I quoted the whole thing). Red fics are always quotable...

Thanks

Jenna

[darkstarrising]

I love it when you take a pivotal moment and expand so eloquently on it.

We all have to reach our end some time and this is mine.

Or so he thought. Here, Mick is a vampire seeking peace in death, weighing the horrors he's seen and done against the good - saving Leni and her unborn child. As he feels himself slipping away, his thoughts turn to his mother, the woman who gave him life and unconditional love.

Her smile, the sweetest thing I ever saw. Her voice, lilting, resonating with warmth and care and love. No-one else ever loved me like that.

You keep him true to his nature - a reluctant vampire - doing what he must to survive, yet hating himself for it.

The world could end right now and I wouldn't notice. I wouldn't stop. All I can feel, everything, my body, soul, heart, hope is in this moment. Hope and despair. Life and death.

Her vibrant blood flows through me, reaching every corner, bringing me back to life just as I die a little more with every moment.

I will survive. But who will I be now?

Still a vampire, but one forever bound to the woman who gave him a second chance at life and love.

Beautiful, red

[redwinter101]

I was sure this was Emma just before the Cleaners ashed her and her husband.

Oooooh, interesting thought. I wish I could claim the ambiguity, but it's right up top in the author's note.

Red fics are always quotable...

Thank you so much.

Still a vampire, but one forever bound to the woman who gave him a second chance at life and love.

And doesn't that just make your heart ache?

Thanks for the lovely comment, dsr.

Red

[jenstc2003]

Wow Red... that is... fabulous!! *wipes a tear*

[wpgrace]

Oooooohhh.... chills!
The thought that he was so calmly giving up...
But fate had other plans...

Hey, you weren't kidding that you had a few plans, yourself! Two new fics!

[redwinter101]

Thanks, jen and Grace.

Hankies all round.

Red

[francis]

Oh redwinter, this is wonderful! It makes me see the scene totally different now. I thought Mick dying was sad, and Mick being rescued was triumph, but you play it the other way round, and it's so much more - Mick sees this as weakness, wanting to live, wanting to exist even one day more. He thought he was at peace and had accepted death, but now he's ripped out of this again by raw need and instinct. The human was willing to die, the vampire wasn't. And it throws him back into that vicious circle of survival by taking life from others.
Beth saved his life, but she will never know what happy and serene place he had been in just before she entered.

Love this!

[GuardianAngel]

Lovely, Red.

What I see here are two major colliding forces at work - the need to be at peace with death and the will to survive. And weaving its way between the two is love. Love from the past that will embrace Mick in death and love in the present that beckons to him to live. One is quiet comfort, the other is vibrant hope.

But I'm not afraid. Sad, sure. Who wouldn't be? Maybe a little relieved, too. It's my time. I can stop. Rest. Be at peace, maybe.

This is where the emotion really started for me. Death as a relief. Death as peace. That Mick could not achieve these things in life. And now he has the opportunity to die a 'good' death; one where he would be saving a courageous young woman and her child from the bad men who dog her and also from himself. It's like Mick has won against himself. But then Beth is there and she pops the top off that bottle. She grants life. But to what?

Given this glimpse into Mick's inner turmoil, I understand this scene better than ever. Just how much was at stake for Mick.

[redwinter101]

Oh redwinter, this is wonderful! It makes me see the scene totally different now. I thought Mick dying was sad, and Mick being rescued was triumph, but you play it the other way round, and it's so much more - Mick sees this as weakness, wanting to live, wanting to exist even one day more. He thought he was at peace and had accepted death, but now he's ripped out of this again by raw need and instinct. The human was willing to die, the vampire wasn't. And it throws him back into that vicious circle of survival by taking life from others.
Beth saved his life, but she will never know what happy and serene place he had been in just before she entered.

Love this!

That's such a fabulous comment, francis. Thank you. I always saw a look of peace on Mick's face as he lay in that tub - even amid all that filth, he looked accepting, serene even (to me). A noble death beckoned and it had an allure that was strong - plus he didn't really have many other choices until Beth turned up. His determination not to survive by feeding from Leni was so strong, so powerful - I found it incredibly moving, as was his disgust at the thought of Beth saving him.

Until instinct took over.

Down the line, he'll eventually be grateful, but in that moment, all I saw was horror, fear and pain.

What I see here are two major colliding forces at work - the need to be at peace with death and the will to survive. And weaving its way between the two is love. Love from the past that will embrace Mick in death and love in the present that beckons to him to live. One is quiet comfort, the other is vibrant hope.

Oh, that's beautiful, GA.

It's like Mick has won against himself.

Perfect, perfect, perfect. I do miss you around these parts, you know - but it makes it extra-super-special when you get the chance to stop by.

Big, smoochy hugs.

Red

[maggatha3]

Amazing, red, absolutely amazing.
I know words sometimes lose their meaning, but I am still amazed at how much life you can bring to a very familiar and beloved scene. I mean, all I think about this scene are his eyes ,in those moments of absolute despair, pain and conflict and finally surrender... and you pulled out his thoughts for us ,just as he was on the verge of actually dying! I simply adore it...And the last six lines..just like the beating of his vampire heart...first a little faster because of her blood, then taking its natural slow beat.

[redwinter101]

Thanks, maggatha - surrender is a perfect description of the moment: to fate, to life, to death, to everything.

And the last six lines..just like the beating of his vampire heart...first a little faster because of her blood, then taking its natural slow beat.

That's fabulous.

Red

[fairytoes]

Red, this is absolutely wonderful. Thank you!